


Thought I found a way out

by Zetil23



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Awesome Clint Barton, Bottom Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Doctor Tony Stark, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Getting Together, Gun Violence, Hand wavy Medical jargon, Hand wavy science, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mentions of Gun Violence, Mentions of School Shooting, Mob AU, Mob Boss Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Slow Build, Slow To Update, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony stark has a heart condition, Top Steve Rogers, Violence, mob avengers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetil23/pseuds/Zetil23
Summary: Dr. Carbonell works full time as a doctor. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to do. All he wants is to help people.Stark industries is the #1 gun manufacturer. What happens when the CEO wants his son to start working as a gun designer again?Add into the mix his coworker, Natasha’s second job isn’t all that it seems to be. When she brings in two men, a handsome brown haired man and a blonde that does things to his heart, his life starts to change in ways he doesn’t quite yet anticipate.What happens when that handsome blonde finds out who tony really is? What happens when tony finds out who he is? And what does a mob have to do with any of this?Tony is a doctor.Stark industries is a gun manufacturer.Steve is a mob boss.Obie is still a weasel.Howard is a dick.





	1. The Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> Mob AU’s are so good. I love them. And there aren’t many! At least that I’ve seen. They’re hard to find? Anyways, I tried to do my own! Hopefully this lives up to what I’m imagining! And I hope you guys like this. I’ll probably be really slow with it so pleaseeee bear with me. I’m gonna try to just put this out and then work on the rest and finish it so hopefully I can put it out in one big ole shebang later on. That's my plan anyways. Please excuse any mistakes. And please be patient with me. While I have an idea where this is going, I get very unmotivated due to my depression. So there's that.
> 
> I’m only human

Chapter 1

“Paging Dr. Carbonell. You’re needed in surgery”

He blinked. Eyes unseeing as he stared at the sink. He couldn’t bring himself to wash his hands. Not yet. He couldn’t get out of his head the red strands matted with dried blood. Couldn’t get out his head scared wide wild eyes as they focused and refocused on him. Bullet wounds through the chest; Mouth gaping trying to ask for help. He couldn’t forget just yet.

He could deal with car crashes. Gruesome disfigured bodies. Broken bones. Severed body parts. He could deal with that with a level head. He could deal with that like he needed to. That wouldn't break him like this.

This.

This was his legacy. No matter how hard he tried to run from it.

Stark industries was the top gun manufacturer. Something he wasn’t very proud of since, well ever really. Howard had left him alone after a while; after finally acknowledging that Tony didn’t want to be a part of it any more. Ashamed that Tony didn’t have any interest in what they were doing. Tony had tried at some point. He tried to get Howard’s praise. Tried to make himself matter. To make an effort with the company. He sketched out a few models of guns. Which-unfortunately-were a raving success. That was all he could bare to do before he couldn’t try to do anything else. The good couldn’t outweigh the bad. His father had told him that they made guns for the military, for the police force, for people who had their gun license. For defense. Tony knew better. He knew that one percent of federally licensed firearms dealers are responsible for selling almost 60 percent of the guns that are found at crime scenes and traced back to dealers. His guns ended up in the streets. Ended up murdering innocent people in dark allies. Ended up holding up convenience stores and in armed robberies.

Ended up killing school children.

Ended up killing women when domestic abuse turned deadly.

Ended up killing LGBTQ.

So Tony had decided that maybe instead of guns they could focus on medicine. On helping people live. Make more reliable machines in detecting cancer. He already had a few sketches drawn up and working models. The ones he got past his father made the biggest of differences to the few hospitals that got them. But then Howard found out, and well that didn’t go well. Despite the good PR it had brought it also led to a few who questioned why Stark Industries didn’t just quit making guns; and to a few noting the irony of being both a gun manufacturer and a one that produced medical equipment.

Howard had finally thrown him out. Didn’t care what he did as long as he didn’t draw attention to being the “failed” stark heir. Tony thought that he could finally get away from it. Him. Everything. Unfortunately it seemed Howard couldn’t even keep that promise. Not like he had a good track record of keeping them. He had come to Tony not above blackmailing him for help. Stock was down and they needed new merchandise to wow the public with, and apparently no one could compare to what Tony had put out the few months he was there. He would have said no, was in fact about to, but Obie had accompanied Howard and while Howard was above pleading, Obie was not. And Tony couldn’t say no to him. While Howard had been the worst father, Obie had stepped in. Obie was more of a father than Howard could ever be. But then even Tony couldn’t quite understand why he still craved Howard’s praise and approval. I guess those were his daddy issues.

He looked at himself. The boy’s blood had dried on his hands. His forearms. Every time he closed his eyes he could see his last shuttering breaths.

This was what he helped create.

What’d he’d have to continue to do.

So he could do this.

 _Save_ people.

He washed his hands and watched the water turn pink. He felt his stomach turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t start arguments about gun violence in the comments. I don’t think im going to go further into detail of gun violence than this chapter. I just wanted to set up where Tony’s guilt comes from (because who is Tony without insane guilt, am I right?), but not in an unfounded way. Gun violence is serious. I didn’t want it to not come across that way, or that I was simply using it for plot. But anyways, this is just the set up for the story like I said. I don’t plan on going that deep in the rest of the chapters. But who knows? I haven’t finished writing this soooo. Theres that. Anyways. I hope I didn’t make anyone too angry.
> 
> Please don’t yell at me. I am very soft and cry easily.
> 
> http://vpc.org/revealing-the-impacts-of-gun-violence/female-homicide-victimization-by-males/  
> https://lawcenter.giffords.org/gun-traffickingprivate-sales-statistics/  
> https://www.campussafetymagazine.com/safety/u-s-school-shooting-statistics-us/2/  
> https://www.kff.org/other/state-indicator/firearms-death-rate-by-gender/?currentTimeframe=0&sortModel=%7B%22colId%22:%22Location%22,%22sort%22:%22asc%22%7D  
> https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Gun-Violence-Nov-2018.pdf


	2. The Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot harder than I like to admit it was. I'm really bad at setting stuff up it seems, and I hope there wasn't information overload. I want to give information, but not all of it because that'll come later in the chapters. I just hope this works the way i want it to and you guys enjoy what you get for now! I promise I'll try and dive into what i leave without much info on later! Just bare with me!

Chapter 2

_Two weeks earlier_

Steve dragged his hand down his face and let out an exasperated sigh. “Let’s go over this again shall we?” Groans filled the room.

“But Steve we’ve been at this all morning!”

“We gotta reopen the bar you lug!”

“I swear to god you’re a pain in my ass…”

“Enough!” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, and breathed in deeply to calm himself. Losing his temper wouldn’t do anyone any good. Everyone quieted. “We have to get this right! All of you know what’s at stake. I know you’re tired, but this is the biggest job we’ve ever had to do. And if we can pull this off… we’ll probably be able to take time off. Time off none of us has had in a long time. So Imma need all’aya to focus! Am I clear?”

“How much time off are we talking about?”

“Barton, I won’t hesitate to strangle you.” Everyone let out a huff of laughter while Clint just grinned. A reluctant smiled tugged at Steve’s lips.

“All right all right. I get it. You’re free to go. We’ll go over it one more time after closing. Remember this shit goes down tomorrow okay? So we have to be prepared.” he dismissed his team. They grumbled, but seemed content. He watched them stand from the large table they had been sitting at and shuffle out the door slowly.

Time off seemed like a good reward for his crew. Especially since it seemed like they’d been working nonstop for years. And in a way, he supposed they had been. Steve especially felt the weight of it on his shoulders. He grew up in this life. He was born when his dad was 22. Joseph Rogers was operating his own crew back then. Built them up from around the time he was 16. Back then things were getting crazy in the streets, and he couldn’t just stand around and watch it go to hell. So he had rounded up his friends and pitched them a line. Saying how the police didn’t have the balls to help them, let alone the firepower. So he proposed they should help themselves, their families, and their home. They became the Howling Commandos. How a bunch of kids managed to do what they did is a mystery, even to his dad. He couldn’t ever tell him what it was that that kept them alive. His dad always told him it was sheer dumb luck, a good group, and a healthy dose of self-preservation. He was also a firm believer in that doing good deeds brought you blessings.

Now, Steve attributed his Da’s ability to survive, to his Ma. His Da wouldn’t let anything happen to her…

He stopped that train of thought. He liked to think his crew was like his Da’s. Those he took to the streets had their reasons to be involved in taking down rivals, but ultimately their missions were the same as his Da’s. They wanted this community, their home, to be safe.

And Steve wanted to help his community, like his Da had. He wanted people to not be afraid. He wanted them to be able to call it their home with pride. He wanted people to have their businesses and livelihood and not worry about paying quotas. He only hoped he was on the right path of doing that.

Steve also wanted to give his crew the closest thing they could get to family. The majority of them didn’t have that anymore. His Pa’s crew was like his very own family growing up. They were close knit and they were there for every birthday of his. _Until they weren’t_. Steve shook his head. The crew he had now was like that. His own makeshift family that he’d found. And he’d protect them like his Pa had done with his.

Those that came to him and couldn’t handle the stress of what it was like in the street, he put to work in the bar. The bar helped him give those who wanted to make a difference in their own way somewhere to work. But he wasn’t going to lie; the bar was also a way to make good money without having to resort to the way the other mobs operated. He wasn’t like that. Could never be like that.

He shook his head to ward off the haze that had descended over him. He didn’t need to be thinking so heavily before he pulled off a job. Standing up, he stretched his back that had gotten stiff from sitting so long. He looked over and noticed perfectly curled Burnette hair waiting just inside the door. He smiled and walked over. Warm brown eyes crinkled in warmth as he approached. He stopped right in front of her and took in her appearance. She was wearing her workout clothes, having come from the gym to their meeting. Baggy grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt that said _Thick thighs, thin patience._

“Hey Peggs, thanks for, uh, meeting us here…” he trailed off, fumbling for more to say.

“It’s no problem Steve. I appreciate you accommodating us.” Peggy said with a smile.

“It’s really no problem. You shouldn’t thank me; you’re doing me a favor. Honestly, you shouldn’t even be here.” He winced. That was the wrong thing to say. Peggy swatted his arm.

“How many times do we have to go over this? I’ve got your back you idiot.” She smiled fondly at him. “Now, let’s try this again. I appreciate you doing business away from the bar when it involves me. Plausible deniability and all that you know.” Steve looked away from her face for a moment. He would rather Peggy didn’t know anything at all. Peggy worked at the police department, and every time she showed up to help him he felt guilt and anxiety churn in his stomach. He should have never involved her to begin with, but Peggy had always been headstrong; and Steve couldn’t keep her away from where she wanted to be.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. Are you gonna be able to make it tonight for one last debrief?” Peggy laughed.

“Probably not Steve. I’ll have to work late to finish confirming everything. Honestly, we’ve been over this so many times! I know my part, hell it’s practically done already! Rumlow and Sharon are already assigned to patrol the area if anyone were to call it in. And I’ll be in the office ready to dispatch any help if you require it. Don’t worry Steve, we’ve got this.” Peggy put her hand on his shoulder. They heard a noise coming from just outside the door, from the staircase leading to the room they were in. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear!” she exclaimed.

“Are you talking shit Lieutenant?” Rumlow asked, rounding the corner with a smile on his face.

“Always Rumlow, always” Peggy replied jovially, “Come on. I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I’ll give you that ride back to the station. I’ve gotta get home and get ready to go in.”

“Of course Lieutenant. Thanks again for the lift.” He charmingly replied to Peggy. Steve was pleased he didn’t feel the sour burn of jealousy. Peggy and he had briefly dated a few months back. They had a lot of history, and they both seemed to have grown to have feeling for each other. He met her when he was just 14. She was just a year older than him. Bucky, Peggy and him were inseparable, even if she was older than them. They would get into fights it seemed almost every day, especially since Steve was always trying to take on those who were bigger than him. When she turned 18, she enlisted in the army. He thought their friendship would end there. But a year later she came back when his Ma died. He was 18 then. She convinced him to join the Army. The rest, well… History. They tried, but it was too difficult. In the words of Nat, they were both compromised. She worked for the police, and he well… what he did wasn’t really legal now was it. And while Peggy and Rumlow weren’t romantically linked, it was nice that he could have dealt with it if they were.

He came up to Steve to shake his hand. “Until tomorrow Captain. You’ll have to take me to your bar sometime after this for a celebratory drink.” Steve laughed.

“We’ll see about that Rumlow. It’s good to have your assist. I’ll see you tomorrow. You know where to patrol?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good man. If all goes well, I’ll take you to the bar and pour you a drink myself,” Steve clapped him on the shoulder, “Off you go, don’t want anyone asking any questions you can avoid. Plausible deniability and all that.” He repeated Peggy’s words back to them. She smiled. “I’ll walk you guys out.”

They descended the staircase from the little room they had been crammed in. It had been Natasha’s idea to move their meetings somewhere else when it came to Peggy and Rumlow. Peggy knew where the bar was at, and what went on there anyways, but it was always better if when she was involved they could move it way from there. If anything were to happen, at least the livelihood of the bar could survive. They moved their meetings to an abandoned power plant, one that not many knew where to find. It was old and dangerous. The building’s first floor appeared to have been a chop shop some time long ago. It had a battered car covered in spray paint sitting there. This first floor was also filled with rickety staircases not suitable for climbing, but there was one staircase leading up to the building’s main floor. Once you reached the main floor, the view opened up to a four-story room of machinery. The steel pipes and beams, after what was most likely to be a century’s worth of aging, had turned to various shades of orange. It’s in this place where Steve’s favorite part of the building lay. A configuration of steel beams stretching the span of the four stories created what looked to be a figure doing a jumping jack. Granted Steve didn’t know why it was in that shape, and what use it could have had; but to him it was art. How machinery could work in such a way and yet display itself in such a breathtaking manner always made him stop and appreciate the work.

A lot of the staircases were unusable, and machinery was falling apart. But it was inconspicuous, and hard to get to. Looking at it from the outside you could mistake it for any of the other warehouses surrounding it. It was perfect.

They reached the outside too soon, the air salty from the waterfront next to them. He gave Peggy one last embrace and clasped Rumlow’s hand once more before they moved to get into Peggy’s deep blue Jeep. He watched them pull away. When he could no longer see her car, he decided he would go through the escape routes and make sure they were clear on his way to the bar. He knew he was being a perfectionist, but this was the most important fight of his life. This was where he’d finally get his revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warehouse that they're using is the Jumping jack power plant in Brooklyn! It's pretty damn cool, not gonna lie. I don't live anywhere near New York and I've never been. SO it was a stroke of luck I found somewhere that apparently not many people know how to get to? I've been doing a bit of research, but if i do too much I become overwhelmed, so baby steps! And if you haven't guessed or assumed, this does take place in New York for sure! And I went for a 2012 timeline. So steve is currently 28. Peggy 29. Any questions feel free to ask!


	3. Does anyone smell that?

_1 week 6 days earlier_

“It’s really quiet tonight,” Sam observed softly. It was fifteen past 12 am. They were staked out on top of an old abandoned building. Across the street was their target, an old seemingly empty warehouse. It had two levels. The top level had windows all around the building with a walkway on the outside just under those windows (which was new to the old “abandoned” warehouse). The bottom level had no windows, just a small door off to the side. It also had a larger entrance in the front, big enough for an eighteen-wheeler to drive in and out without problem. What was important about this particular warehouse, according to their sources, was that Hydra had been conducting business for here the past couple of months. Hydra was a mob that had sprouted up around the same time he was born. Back then it had only been a gang, not big enough to worry about. But leave something alone long enough and it’ll either grow big enough to become a problem, or it’ll fall apart on its own. Hydra had been the former. This was where Steve’s plan would reach its grand finale; something that had been in the works for some 18 years.

“Yeah, do you think it’s past their bedtime?” Clint’s voice responded in Steve’s ear. Clint was positioned on another building closer to the warehouse.

“Cut the chatter guys,” Steve mumbled. “Clint can you get a closer look? Maybe tell us why it’s so damn quiet?”

“Aye aye Captain,” came the sniggering reply. Steve rolled his eyes. Clint never seemed to get tired of that particular joke. Steve could hear Sam getting closer. He stopped next to him and shifted from foot to foot.

“Sooo,” Sam elbowed his ribs, “What’s with Pegs and Rumlow?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business Sam” Steve grunted, turning to look at Sam. He raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“It’s my business when I worry about you as your best friend,” Sam responded. Bucky’s reply came instantly through the comms.

“Better cut your bullshit Wilson, we all know who Steve’s best friend is,” Steve groaned.

“If you two don’t stop, _so help me god…”_ He took a deep calming breath, “I need you both to focus. Sam this isn’t the time or the place for this. But to get you off my back, there’s nothing going on between them, and I can honestly tell you I wouldn’t mind if there was.” Sam looked like he wanted to say something else.

“Cap,” Clint’s voice interrupted, “as much as I’m enjoying the gossip. There’s something you’re not going to like. I can’t seem to detect any movement around the outside at all.” Steve frowned.

“No guards?”

“None at all that I could see. Any chance it really is past their bedtime?”

“Maybe they’re trading shifts? Are you sure you didn’t see anyone?” Steve asked.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask me that.”

“Alright sorry,” Steve pinched his nose and closed his eyes. “Did you get close enough to see inside?”

“No, I didn’t want to risk anyone seeing me. In case I did miss anyone patrolling around the outside.” Steve nodded even though Clint couldn’t see him. Clint had a keen eye. It was impossible for him to have missed anyone, but he’d never risk the mission by being reckless and taking unnecessary chances. Steve appreciated that more than he could ever say.

“What’s your call Cap?” Came Sam’s voice from next to him. They had done far too much work to get here to just back out now. He took a deep breath.

“Alright, we’ll be moving in. Just as planned. Clint you’re lookout; let us know if you see any funny business. Bucky. Nat. You guys go ‘round back, try to see if you can get on the second floor walkways and peek inside. Sam you’re with me. We’ll be approaching through the front.”

“Roger that Rogers”

“Godammit Clint!” Steve barked. He was on edge, and Clint’s way of cracking quips to diffuse his own tension didn’t do Steve any favors. He knew this was just as important to everyone else as it was to him. But _fuck_ , did this mean something to him. This was for his Da.

“Sorry Steve,” Clint seemed to realize he’d gone too far. “I’ll focus. No more joking.”

Steve mumbled his thanks, feeling the roll of guilt in his stomach. He’d apologize to Clint later for snapping at him. For now they had a job to finish. He motioned Sam to start descending the ladder first. They crossed the street in no time, keeping to the shadows. Clint had been right; there were no guards to be spotted. Steve could feel apprehension growing steadily as the moments ticked by.

“Status” he demanded into the dark.

“No sign of movement, still in position,” Clint answered.

“We’ve found a ladder going up, getting ready to ascend.” Bucky replied.

“Nat keep cover on the guard. Buck let me know what you see.”

“Copy that.”

Steve signaled for Sam to follow him as they crept closer to the front entrance. There was a higher chance of being spotted here, but it was also the main escape route. The plan was to place miniature explosives on the large door to effectively seal off the majority of the exit to lessen those who escaped. Sam was taking advantage of no guards to begin placing the explosives strategically where they’d do the most damage.

“Uh, Cap?” Bucky’s confusion evident in his tone “Are you sure we have the right warehouse?” Steve felt his stomach clench at those words.

“What’s that supposed to mean Buck?” He demanded. He could feel his body turning cold, awaiting the bad news that was sure to follow. “You know we do.”

“It’s… empty.”

“That’s… that’s impossible!” Steve threw caution to the wind and raced to the side door of the ware house. He threw open the door with little to no effort, alarm bells ringing in his head. Inside the warehouse was nothing at all. No people. No crates. No guns… Nothing. Hell the only reason he could tell someone had been there was because it wasn’t as completely dilapidated on the inside as it looked on the outside. The floors were bare of any debris. The walls looked to have been reinforced. Beside the cosmetic changes, there was nothing that seemed to have been left behind. He scanned the room, looking for any clues. Anything he could miss in the vast emptiness of the space.

“Hold your positions.” He said into his comm. Right in the middle of the floor about 20 feet in front of him, he saw what seemed to be a single piece of paper. He walked carefully towards it, keeping an eye to the shadows for movement.

_I’ll have to take a rain check, Captain._

_I’ve got bigger fish to fry._

_Including you._

“Steve?” Sam tentatively prompted him. It was almost like it was perfectly timed. As soon as he finished reading the note; an intense nauseating aroma of gasoline filled his senses. He felt every part of him freeze in realization.

“ _FUCK! GET MOVING”_ only just getting his words out, an explosion rocked the end of the warehouse; a sizzling inferno appeared and was rapidly approaching. Sam was staring with wide shocked eyes. Steve pushed him towards the door. “RUN!”

Sam snapped into action and turned. Steve could hear shouting in his ears. Didn’t know what they were saying, or even who they were. His focus was on getting Sam and himself out of the warehouse before the fiery blaze reached the bombs Sam had so carefully put on the door. He could feel sweat pouring down his face as the heat of the fire edged closer with every second. The door was only a few feet away now. Steve pushed his body as much as he could, coming up behind Sam. They reached the outside and kept running. Only when they reached the alleyway beside the building they had been on top of only an hour before did they stop. They leaned against the side of the building catching their breaths. Another explosion, louder and far stronger than the first, rocked them as the bombs finally exploded.

“Is everyone all right? Bucky? Nat? Clint? Do you copy?” Steve demanded into his comm. His heart was beating in way that had nothing to do with the run out of the warehouse.

“I’m all good Cap. How’re you and Sam?” Clint‘s voice patched through, sounding relived.

“We’re out of breath, but we’re fine. Nat? Bucky? Are you guys okay?”

“We’re good Steve. Bucky’s an idiot, but we’re good,” came Natasha’s voice a moment later. Steve let out a deep breath. Having established his team was okay; he ripped his comm out of his ear and threw it as far as he could. Anger was beginning to simmer low in his gut, replacing the anxious worry that had been there only moments before.

“ _Shit_. They knew we were coming. They _knew_! It was all a trap!” He was livid now; could feel the bubbling of rage. He could feel it in every corner of his mind. He felt like if he didn’t release it soon he’d explode. _Fuck_. He couldn’t even think. He kicked at a trash bag in the alleyway just to hear the satisfaction of it hitting something else. He needed the distraction to keep his body from coming apart. All these months of Intel, _wasted_.

“You don’t know that for sure Steve. Come on, they could have been planning this move. We knew it was a possibility.” Sam tried to reason with him calmly. He put his hand on Steve’s back, trying to reassure him. But Steve knew, he could tell, even Sam wasn’t fully convinced of what he was saying. “Red Skull knows we’ve been after him for a while. It wouldn’t be hard to set up something like that.” Steve shook his head and shrugged Sam’s hand off of him. He started pacing up and down the alley, trying to sort out his thoughts.

“No. This reeks Sam. They left me a note. They knew we were coming. They had to. They had to have known we’d be there today. He’s prepared, but not even he can be that prepared. How do you explain any of this? Fuck. _Fuck_.” He suddenly grew cold. The heat of his anger disappearing for a moment, and replaced with an icy trickle through his body. “We’ve been compromised.” He heard Sam’s intake of breath.

“You think?”

Steve contemplated what to say next. This had never happened before. Not with his Da. At least not that he’d heard of. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to deal with this? Could he have been wrong? Maybe Sam was right, and maybe it was all just a coincidence. A big coincidence. Yet everything in his body screamed against that possibility, as much as he wished it were true.

“Yeah Sam.” He sighed, resigned to the possibility, the anger draining out of him as quickly as it appeared, “How else do you think this happened? We’ve had _months_ of preparation. We’ve staked out that warehouse over a dozen times! Kept a close eye on what and how many went in and out at a time. Just yesterday I did a run! Then outta nowhere, nothing? Nothing but an ambush waitin’ for us? That sure smells like a rat to me.”

“Steve... Sometimes shit happens...” though now he didn’t even try to hide that he wasn’t convinced with what he was saying. Like Steve, Sam could never imagine something like this happening to them. They were a family. They knew each other like the back of their own hands. One of them couldn’t have done it… But if they had, who?

“Sam, this is it. You know it. I can see it in your eye’s too. What other explanation is there? Shit. I never thought this would happen to us.” Steve rubbed at his temples. What would his Da say? He couldn’t even smell a rat in his own crew.

“Steve don’t do this to yourself,” Sam interrupted his train of thought.

“Do what?” he answered, voice devoid of emotion.

“As if I don’t know you. I’ve been around your ass for far too long to know how you are Steve. You’re a great leader. One of the best, and your Dad would have been proud of the way you’ve been there for us. You couldn’t have known.” He punched Steve’s shoulder affectionately. “Whoever did this is going to have a surprise coming at them for sure. We’ll figure it out. Together.” Steve smiled at him. Sam turned slightly to the left and listened for a second before nodding his head. “Clint says we should get out of here. He sees the fire department heading this way. He also says Peggy’s going to have your head for throwing another comm.”

“Tell Clint he’s gonna have extra drills if he doesn’t mind his own damn business.” Sam laughed before relaying the message to Clint. “Sam, round everyone up. I want to get this over with tonight.” Sam widened his eyes.

“Are you sure about this Steve? Don’t you want to plan this out?” He thought about it for a moment. Usually that’s what he did, plan everything out, but with the way things just went down… he was hoping being unexpected would bring more favorable results.

“I’m going to take a page out of my Da’s book and wing it for this. Tell them to meet up at the old power plant,” he paused for a moment “Go ahead and see if you can reach Rumlow, ask him to stop by.”

“Alright Captain,” Sam nodded and took out his phone. Steve turned his body towards the smoldering mass of what used to be the warehouse. It looked like everything else was going to have to be placed on the backburner for now. He had to figure out where the leak in the ship was first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will finally have a Tony and Steve meeting!!


	4. Early Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated! I went on vacation for 3 weeks and didn't do ANY writing at all. And I've been slow to pick it back up again! Then of course I had trouble writing out this chapter. I'm still not completely happy with it, but I think this may be as good as it'll get right now. Here it finally is!! I hope this monster of a chapter makes up for everything. Honestly I wasn't planning on this being so beefy, but here we are. I hope you guys like it!!! Let me know what you think! Thank you <3

Steve was on edge as it was, but the fact that it was taking everyone an hour to get to the power plant; was making it worse. He was jittery in a nervous way. He still didn’t really know how to approach the subject with his team. He sighed and stuck his hand down the front of his uniform, digging for his locket. His Ma had always carried a picture of his Da and little Steve around. When she died, he replaced her picture on top of his. He opened his locket and looked into his father’s picture, trying to draw strength and wisdom from it.

“They’re here Steve.” They were on the main floor of the building. Sam had been keeping an eye out while Steve thought about what he would say. He still wasn’t sure what he was even going to do. Where it had seemed like too much time beforehand, now was not enough. He wasn’t sure if he maybe had to resort to violence to get answers from his own team. He’d never had to do anything of the sort before. There had only ever been arguments and screaming matches, and he wasn’t sure if those were going to cut it today. He sighed and got up from where he was sitting against the wall. He winced at the stiffness in his back from not moving for almost the full hour. His butt was also numb. _Peak performance to confront the team._ He thought miserably. He limped towards Sam; while the man looked at him with an amused expression.

“Not a word.” He snapped. Sam held his hands up with a quiet chuckle. They turned towards the only useable staircase in the power plant to get to the main floor. They could hear the quiet footsteps below fast approaching. Steve tensed, suddenly thinking if one of them _was_ a double agent, they could have tipped off some of Red Skulls men.

“Sam maybe we should…” he whispered and motioned Sam to step back and hide. His eyes lit up in understanding. He brandished his gun from the place on his hip and moved behind the pillar in front of the staircase. Steve took a less hidden position opting to stand directly behind the stair case. He crouched and peered through the rusted metal railing. Hidden enough but still having visual, he waited. The steps were beginning to ascend the staircase. Steve could feel himself start to sweat in anticipation. He saw four figures reach the top of the stairs and he jumped into action.

“Hey!” he yelled drawing four startled looks in his direction. With relief, he recognized that they were in fact his crew. Sam had jumped from behind the pillar at the moment Steve had yelled. It was a good distraction tactic they had come up with a long time ago. It always worked in a pinch.

“Woah, woah, woah! What the hell is going on here?!” Clint was grabbing at this chest giving him a hard glare. “Why the fuck did you do that for Steve?!”

“Steve?” Bucky was looking at him in concern. Natasha on the other hand was trying to read his face. Her gaze on him was so intense, he was afraid she was going to figure it out before he could even get his wits together. Steve looked over at Sam and was relieved to see that he had put away his gun. He didn’t need them to find something else to panic about.

“Look Steve, you’re mad, but you can’t be scaring us like that, alright.” Rumlow had gone pale in the face. There was a light sheen of sweat on his brow.

“I’ll explain…” he paused, “just follow me.” He heard them shuffle in line behind him as he walked.

“My poor little bird heart. My fucking hearing aid is turned up so high…” Clint continued to grumble as he walked. Steve wanted to see their faces clearly. He walked until they came across the clearest spot, which happened to be underneath the jumping jack figure. He motioned them to form a circle. He swept his gaze over them. The job was supposed to have been quick and easy, like the dinners you could find on Google. And it seemed as though he had made the same mistake as many and missed something crucial. He had made sure that they wouldn’t have needed more than five of them on the job. Seven including Peggy and Rumlow as help on the outside. It had been a stroke of luck. The warehouse was small enough that they hadn’t needed to take a bigger team, there were just enough guards to divide between them, and Red Skull himself visited the warehouse on a tight schedule. The more he thought about it the more he was sure that they had a double agent.

“You all know I think of everyone here as family. We’re not be related, but through all we’ve been through who the fuck cares. We’ve been together long enough to know everything about each other. Some of us have even been there for each other during the roughest moments of our lives.” He looked over at Bucky briefly. “We recognize each other’s regrets that haunt our minds. We’ve helped each other overcome our fears of what we could do. What we’ve done. We’ve been around enough to find comfort in each other after our nightmares.

So I’m left wondering why they hell one of you have turned your back on us. There’s someone here among us that’s betrayed the trust we have in each other.” He took in the brief surprise at his words, and watched as they turned calculating. His team was smart; they could work out what went wrong quickly enough on their own. The need to protect them was fierce. Looking at them all together he’d protect his adopted family from anything and anyone. Including from one of their own. “Know this; I won’t hesitate to kill you. You’ve turned you back on us. You’ve ceased to be our friend. You’ve ceased to be part of us. You’re no longer family.

Only those in this room know what was supposed to happen back there. I want to get to the bottom of this tonight. So as much as this pains me to do; I need to know. I’m going to ask you guys once again. Why are you here?” It seemed like he just needed to have them in front of him for him to figure out what he needed to say. It seemed like the right thing to say. The right thing to ask. When they each asked to join him, he had asked them the same question. _Why are you here? What do you want from me? What motivates you? Are you prepared to die for family?_

“Nat? Will you go first?”

“Steve come on-“

“James it’s okay. There can’t be favorites.” She winked at him and straightened up, turning to look at Steve. “Steve I…” She started slowly, momentarily averting her gaze from him. “I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job. This family. And I’ve been better because of it. I get to help people now. Steve, everything you’ve done here… it’s just so different to what I grew up in. Having this, now. I would _never_ go back.” Her gaze had returned and was looking Steve straight in the eyes. “Maybe in the beginning… I wouldn’t have hesitated to double cross you, but you’re stuck with me now.” Bucky moved to grab Natasha’s hand to give her a squeeze. Steve knew it had to have been hard on her to get that last sentence out. Natasha’s trust was a hard one to earn. She’d been manipulated and lied to since she was young. Knowing that she trusted him was a heavy feeling.

“Clint.” He nodded towards the blonde. Clint shrugged.

“You know Steve… Where ever Nat goes I go. But if either one of us was your leak, I’m sure we’d beat our own asses before you got to us. We’re lucky here Steve. Damn well do we know it. We’d be absolute fools if we let this go. And for what? I’ve done that side. I’ve lived my life on the run. I’ve done things I wish I never should have. I never thought I’d get to have a group of people to call family again. When I left the circus, I thought that was it for me. Yet here I am. With the most fucked up people I could ever imagine, but I wouldn’t have you guys any other way.”

Just listening to them talk may not seem to be the best way to discern if they were lying to him or not. But it felt right. And he knew them. He knew them like the back of his hand. Years of working together left him feeling like he knew them as well as he knew himself. So much so that he knew they were telling him the truth. He believed what they said. Maybe that would come back to bite him in the ass. Maybe not. He really hoped not.

“Sam?”

“As hard as I’ve tried to help you out, you think I’d double cross you that easily? Hell if I ever decided being here wasn’t for me I wouldn’t double cross you man. I’d retire. I knew from the moment I met you in the army that I’d have my hands full. And I can’t leave you with only Bucky watching your back. You’d wear him out. You’re like a damn baby. You need to be watched constantly or you’ll be doing something dangerous.” Chuckles filled the air as he punched Sam’s shoulder, earning him one back from Bucky on his other side.

“He’s right you know. You have no self-preservation at all.” Steve looked over at him and grinned.

“Why should I if I have you two watching my back.” Bucky and Sam groaned. “Buck will you go next?”

“Steve. You know I’m with you until the end of the line punk. Won’t ever turn my back on you. On this” he opened his arms trying to encompass them in the motion. “Didn’t think we’d find our own family like your Da and Ma. Just happy you took me along with you. When I saved your ass in that back alley all those years ago and your Ma all but adopted me; I never thought we’d end up here. You’re still my brother. Wouldn’t ever fuck that up, and I’ll always have your back. Whether Wilson retires or not.” Sam rolled his eyes as Bucky finished talking. Steve was trying hard not to let his emotions show, but it was getting difficult. His eyes were burning, and his nose was starting to run. Probably from his repressed emotions. Probably. He cleared his throat.

“Rumlow?”

Rumlow jumped slightly. If Steve hadn’t been looking, he would have missed it. “Rumlow what’s your piece.”

“Look Cap, you know why I’m here. I’m no good at expressing my feelings you know that.”

“Come to think of it… I really don’t.” Steve surprised himself. And it was true. He knew everyone’s reason why they were here. Knew from the moment they wanted to work with him. Tonight was different though. Tonight was more of where their loyalties lay. And why. He wanted to know that they would still die for family, because in the end that’s all that mattered. If they didn’t have each other they had nothing. That’s what he had grown up on. It’s what he hoped those who worked with him understood first and foremost.

But Rumlow didn’t ever have a reason. He just showed up one day with Peggy. He had told her that he admired his little group and hoped to one day met them while out patrolling. He had continued to prove himself trustworthy in her eyes. She eventually brought him around and introduced him to the group. He then proved himself to Steve. He’d trusted Peggy’s judgement and didn’t do any of his own digging. He felt his stomach start to sink, and his blood run cold. **Thiswashisfault.**

“Rumlow why are you here?”

“Are you really going to let a few pretty words convince you Captain? This is absurd. I’ve done my part. I’ve shown complete loyalty to you.”

“Are you questioning the way I do things Rumlow? It’s not hard. Just answer. The. Damn. Question.” He was still. The rest of them were starting to catch on. They were no longer placed in a circle. They had started to move to his side. Rumlow’s eyes widened a fraction before they turned into slits.

“Fine.” He straightened up and put his hands behind his back. Before Steve could react Rumlow had thrown something onto the ground in front of them which promptly exploded. Steve covered his nose as it began to burn.

“It’s tear gas.” Came Natasha’s voice from behind him. The situation finally caught up to Steve. Rumlow.

“Sam! Cover the lower level! Clint if you see him, don’t hesitate to incapacitate! Everyone else, you know your positions. Move! Brock isn’t getting out of here!” Steve felt guilt and rage flood his system. He’d have time, hopefully, to deal with the former after this was over with. Everyone was a flurry of movement. Clint immediately jumped to take hold onto an upper rafter to pull himself up to the next level. Sam moved down the staircase; to cover all other exit points, and guard the only working stairs. Natasha moved to shut down the generator they installed. And Bucky took up his position beside Steve.

Together they raced down the corridor that had been behind Rumlow. He could hear Brock’s footsteps echoing down the hallway. Sweat poured down his face as they made their way further down the corridor. They were going to come up to a dead-end. This particular hallway led into a large room, full of empty lockers long forgotten and what use to be showers with stalls made of concrete. They’d get him there. He heard the footsteps stop.

They slowed down as they approached where the door used to be. Then they stopped. Steve swept the room, taking note of spots Rumlow could hide in. There were far too many. In that moment, Natasha cut the power, plunging them a little more into the dark. When they first decided to use the power plant as a second base they decided to fix this level’s wiring. They then plugged up a solar generator to give them power. They didn’t replace the old light fixtures, just put in fresh bulbs. There wasn’t much of a difference. Without the soft glow of lights they could still see with the light of the moon coming in through the windows.

“RUMLOW! Face me you _coward_!” he yelled out into the room. He walked forward soundlessly motioning Bucky to stay behind to guard the door. He silently took his gun from his holster. He walked further in to the room. He started checking inside the shower stalls. He looked in between the rows of lockers.

“Steve over here! Ah _shit_ -“ He heard clattering of metal on concrete and then something heavy fall. Panic coursed through him as he doubled back towards the door. He stopped before he could get there. Bucky hadn’t listened of course and had walked a little ways behind him. He had fallen onto his side, there was a metal bar dropped next to him. He kneeled beside Bucky, putting his gun on the ground and turning him onto his back. He checked him over quickly, panic and adrenaline making him shaky. He had to be okay _. Bucky had to be okay_. He breathed out a sigh of relief noting that he was breathing deeply. _Focus_ , he thought to himself. He couldn’t take on Brock if he didn’t have control. Getting his body to calm down he noted that on Bucky’s head there was a small wound that was bleeding heavily. Anger flared in his veins like the stoking of a fire.

“Brock, I’m going to rip you to shreds!” he yelled into the dark while standing up. He picked up his gun sweeping his gaze across the room once more. He hoped he hadn’t fled the room. It didn’t matter. He would hunt him down. He felt cold air suddenly hit his skin in his midriff and then heard the sound of something clattering to the floor. He whipped his head around in the direction it had come from.

“Rumlow,” he growled, pointing his gun in that direction, and straining his ears to get any sound.

“I’ll tell you why, Captain, I’m against you instead.” Rumlow sneered, his voice coming from somewhere in the dark in front of him. If only he could get to him. If only he could _see_. It seemed to have gotten darker inside the room. He couldn’t let him escape. God, _this was all his fault._ “You’re _precious_ Da killed my father. So in the end I’m only doing the same thing you are. Getting revenge, ‘cept I won’t stop until your whole ‘family’ goes before you do.” Steve knew his pop had killed people. Hell, Steve had killed people too. He’d just never calculated that maybe their children might want revenge too. Wasn’t that ironic?

“You’re not getting near any of them!” Steve wouldn’t let him. He’d already let him hurt Bucky. He wouldn’t let him get near anyone else. “I meant every word I said Brock! I’m going to make you wish you were never born.”

“We’ll see about that.” The voice came from behind him now. Before Steve could whip around, he felt something hard hit the side of his head, followed by searing pain making his knees tremble. He felt himself falling forward. Then nothing.

__________________________________

“Steve! God dammit Steve!” he heard a feminine voice yell. Natasha. That was Natasha. “SAM! Take Clint and see if you can track down Rumlow!”

“What about you?”

“I’m going to take Steve and Bucky to the hospital. Bucky’s hurt…and Steve’s been…” Steve tried to concentrate on the words that were being said. Bucky was hurt. He had to help Bucky. God this was all his fault. He tried to pull himself into a sitting position. “Don’t you fucking move Steve I swear to god.” Natasha’s voice was vicious. He let himself be guided back to the floor.

“Are you sure you can handle them by yourself?” came another voice. Clint. That voice belonged to Clint.

“I have help. Remember?”

“You trust him?”

“I do.” Steve didn’t hear anything else.

__________________________________

He knew he had to be at the hospital, he could tell by the scent of antiseptic that was forever burned into his head, but he didn’t exactly recall how he got there. He knew the room was empty. He couldn’t hear any other noise. His body was half laid across a low to the floor bed. His feet touched the ground enough that he could comfortably have his knees bent. He groaned and put his hand over his eyes. The lights in the room were making his head pound even though the room was mostly off. He heard the door open and close quietly.

“Nat?” he called out.

“Dr. Romanoff is currently busy with her other friend right now, but she asked me to personally attend to you.” Bucky had been hurt. Of course Nat would be with him. His brain felt fuzzy.

“Oh. Who are you?”

“I’m Dr. Carbonell. And you are?” came the disembodied voice. He couldn’t bring himself to lift his hand from his eyes to look at him. He didn’t want to have to deal with the light yet.

“I’m uh, Steve.”

“Well uh, Steve what brings you to the ER at” there was a pause “, 3:40 in the morning?” He broke out into a cold sweat. His brain felt like it was working too slow. He had to come up with a believable lie, and his brain didn’t seem to want to cooperate. He couldn’t tell the truth. What if he accidently told the truth?

“Uh. I guess I got into a bar fight.”

“You guess?” he heard the voice ask in amusement. It was an appealing voice. Deep. With his eyes closed he could imagine the sound rumbling through his chest. Could feel it warming him up from the inside. It was the type of voice he could listen to and be lulled to sleep. He was glad this man was a doctor. He had a pleasant voice.

“I mean I did. I got into a bar fight.” He relaxed. At least that was believable.

“Well let’s see what this maybe bar fight did to you. Tell me where it hurts.”

“Uh, listen I think I have a concussion. Other than that I think I’m just a little sore and battered. I don’t know why my friends dragged me here.” He heard steps moving closer to him. “I’ve dealt with concussions before and-

“Steve. While I’ve no doubt you probably do have a concussion. You’re bleeding and I have to see how serious before you start trying to convince me you’re fine.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re staining the sheets, and Natasha may have mentioned it.”

“Oh.”

“You’re really not going to make this easy for me are you buddy.”

“Probably not.” He answered honestly. He’d moved his hand away from his eyes, but had kept his eyes closed. Now that he’d mentioned it he was beginning to feel pain in his left side. When was anything ever easy for him. It was fair to assume this wasn’t going to be either.

“Alright I’m going to move your shirt up to get a look at this alright? Can you shift your whole body onto the bed? Or do you need help?”

“I’ve got it.” He opened his eyes and winced, the lights were brighter now, illuminating more of the room than it had before. He stared at the ceiling as he braced himself to move fully onto the bed. His body was screaming in exhaustion. He wanted to go home. He needed to talk to Peggy. He had to make sure she was okay.

He settled himself, turned his head to look at the doctor and froze. The man didn’t just have a pleasant voice. He had a pleasant _everything._ He had sat down in a nearby rolling chair, and Steve was going to take full advantage of the man’s attention being elsewhere to drink in the sight of him. He had short hair, the color of chocolate, that curled softly into ringlets all over his head. His face was framed with an immaculate goatee. His skin was golden, as if he were kissed by the sun. The muscles in his arms flexed and unflexed with every movement as he rummaged for supplies.

“Excellent. Thank you. Now I’m going to move your shirt alright?” He had turned to look at Steve and Steve was still staring. Specifically he was staring at his lips. At the way they caressed the words that spilled from them. They were plump and pink. Attention drawn to them by the facial hair that framed his face. Steve wanted to groan.

“Are you generally this speechless or is it the concussion?” The concern in the words penetrated the fog of his mind. He pulled his gaze from the doctor’s lips and looked back up into the ceiling. “Seriously are you okay? You spaced out on me there buddy.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” He was better than fine. He felt like he’d never been fine before this exact moment in his life. The wound in his side begged to differ of course. He felt the tentative touch of hands at the hem of his shirt. Steve took that moment to look towards the doctor’s face again and couldn’t stop himself from actually groaning; causing the doctor to pull his hands back in alarm. “I’m fine. You’re fine. It’s okay.” He assured him quickly, cursing himself. He closed his eyes and tried to reason with himself. It was just his brain. His brain was playing tricks on him. He was concussed. There wasn’t any way this man was as attractive as Steve perceived him out to be. _That_ didn’t stop him from trying to recall the exact shade of those eyes. He wanted to commit it to memory. They were a honeyed brown, like the color of aged whiskey. Warm and burning, framed by the thickest lashes he’d ever seen. Maybe he should thank Rumlow someday. He frowned. No. No he wouldn’t.

“It looks worse than it actually is. The adrenaline must have sped up the bleeding a bit.” He said after finally lifting up his shirt to examine the wound. “It’s just a graze. A few stitches will fix you right up.” He hunched over to get to work disinfecting the wound. Steve flinched. “Sorry” Dr. Carbonell murmured; his hands moved deftly and precise. Steve couldn’t pull his gaze away from the look of intense concentration on the man’s face. For the first time in his life, he let himself imagine what things could be like if he had a normal life. Granted if he had a normal life he probably wouldn’t be where he is now.

“Soo Carbonell? Are you Italian? Uh, wait don’t answer that, that’s a stupid question.” Steve could feel his face heat up in embarrassment. He turned his face back to the ceiling. He didn’t know where those words had even _come_ from.

“It’s fine. It’s not stupid. Yes I am. I got it from my mom.” There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “I’m going to put some numbing cream on you okay? It’ll help dull the sting of the stitches.” He nodded absentmindedly. He was starting to take in the room. It wasn’t a regular hospital room. This was like more of an office. He was thrust back into the farthest corner of the room behind the desk. The bed was certainly shorter than the average hospital bed, sitting lower than the top of the desk. There was one medium sized window on his right, next to the door. He would bet anything that it was one of those fancy two way ones. Across the room the wall was filled with filing cabinets. On his right, there were a few regular cabinets that he could only assume had the same type of materials as the one that Dr. Carbonell had open on his left. In the middle of the room there was a small table surrounded by chairs. He felt panic starting to rise in his chest. Why was he not in a regular room? His eyes darted trying to look for any clues. He saw a flash of red and focused on that for a moment. It was a framed picture on the desk. It was a picture of Natasha and Bucky _. Oh_. He thought. _This has to be Natasha’s office._

“The cream should have taken affect by now.” Completely unaware of the small breakdown Steve just had, Dr. Carbonell was putting on new gloves. “I’m going to start alright? You may feel some pulling. It’ll probably feel really weird, but it shouldn’t hurt too much okay. Hey are you okay? Do you want to wait for Natasha?” He was looking down at Steve’s face now. Steve wondered what that looked like. He wondered if he had bruises.

“No. It’s okay. I trust you.” And he did. If Natasha trusted him. Steve could trust him. He nodded his acknowledgement to Steve and began to work. It did feel weird. He could feel something foreign slicing through his skin. He felt the pull of the thread. It didn’t hurt per say, but was unpleasant.

“I take it you’re one of Natasha’s friends? She wouldn’t have brought you in if you’d been the one to beat up her boy toy.”

“He’s not her boy toy.” He replied suddenly angry. Bucky wasn’t anybody’s toy.

“Hey, it’s all right.” He stopped for only a moment to briefly look at his face before continuing. “I’m sorry. That was a joke in very poor taste. I’m just trying to help keep your mind off this. I know she really likes the guy.” His anger dissolved as quickly as it had shown up. Now he was just confused. Natasha talked about Bucky? Did she talk about him?

“Just keep talking. You have a nice voice.” He glanced at the doctor’s face, briefly registering the faint pink tinting his complexion. “Nice face too.” That wasn’t what he’d wanted to say either.

“Right. Well I can probably talk your ear off so… ask me something?”

“Why’d you become a Doctor?” he blurted out. That hadn’t been what he’d wanted to ask either. The silence stretched a little longer than what was deemed normal. Steve opened his mouth to ask a different question.

“It seemed like the right thing to do.” Dr. Carbonell began quietly. Steve closed his eyes to give him some semblance of privacy. “I found myself able to make a difference. So I decided that I should, instead of just thinking about it. I can actually do some good and help people. I… This hospital is funded privately so we never turn away patients.” His voice and hands stopped at the same time. Steve opened his eyes and saw the brief hesitation on the man’s face. He was looking at Steve. He looked back to his hands and began stitching him up again. “It’s something I wished happened everywhere since I was little… I have a heart condition. So my mom would bring me to the hospital. One day while we were waiting to check in, this family was signing out. The mom was crying. They couldn’t afford to keep their child hospitalized anymore.”

“That’s…” Steve didn’t know what to say. To say the least it’s not an answer he expected.

“We’re lucky here.” He replied bitterly with a smile. Steve wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand. “I’m all finished here Steve.” He moved away taking off his gloves in the process. “Dr. Romanoff said she’d take care of the concussion portion of your care. She just asked me to look the rest of you over. So you’re good to go. While we wait, do you need to call anyone? Maybe file a police report?”

“No thanks doctor, we’ve got it all under control!” A booming voice said. Bucky. That voice belonged to Bucky. He hadn’t even heard the door open. He whipped his head around and regretted it instantly. He focused on trying to distinguish what had happened to Bucky. He searched his face and saw mild cuts all over. He then was distracted by Bucky’s left arm incased in plaster. After establishing that the broken arm was the worst injury, he finally released the tension he didn’t even realize he had been holding.

“Very good. You must be James.” Dr. Carbonell stood and moved to shake Bucky’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Bucky clasped his hand firmly while furrowing his brows in confusion.

“I’m sorry, and you are?” The doctor huffed dramatically.

“I take it Natasha hasn’t talked about me then?”

“I think I’d remember her telling me about some hot doctor she works with.” He raised his eyebrow and looked over at Natasha. Dr. Carbonell’s face split into a grin that made Steve’s heart race.

“I’m flattered you think so. If I didn’t think Natasha would punch me, I’d show you just how hot I really am.” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. To her credit Natasha didn’t punch him. She swatted him, causing the brunette to clutch at his arm. “I’m delicate!” Her only reply was a slight upturn of her lips.

“It’s time to go gentlemen. Be good little boys and say your good-byes.”

“Good-bye Doc! Thanks for the help on patching up our good friend Steve.” It was starting to seem like everyone knew that Steve had been wounded but himself. Bucky was making his way towards him. “Come on punk. Let’s get you to the car.”

“I can walk by myself Buck. Thanks.” Bucky was hurt enough as it was. He didn’t need to worry about Steve. His head was feeling clearer than it had been since he woke up in the room. Guilt was starting to worm it’s way front and center. If he’d been more careful. Rumlow wouldn’t have gotten in so deep with them. The only thing he did right was keep him away from the bar.

“Buck? I though his name was James?” Steve and Bucky turned to see the brunette’s confused expression.

“Yeah…It’s a childhood nickname.” Bucky looked almost sheepish. Dr. Carbonell’s face lit up in delight.

“I’m picturing you as a little deer now.” He snickered, holding his hand up to his mouth to diminish the sound. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Har-har, haven’t heard that one before.” Bucky turned back around and hoisted Steve up into a standing position one-armed. The rush clouded his vision and made him want to immediately sit back down. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. A few moments passed and it slowly started to ease. He opened his eyes and was grateful that he didn’t feel dizzy, just a little unbalanced. He could get away with just leaning on Bucky. He looked towards Natasha and Dr. Carbonell to find they wore matching faces of concern. He snorted. Natasha’s face changed into one of exasperation. Dr. Carbonell’s seemed to be one of amusement.

“Go on James, I’ll catch up in a minute. I have to talk to Dr. Carbonell.” Steve wanted to say something, he felt like he should, but the words wouldn’t come to him. He was starting to panic the closer he got to the door. Maybe this was for the best. There wasn’t that much of a chance he’d ever see the doctor again. It hadn’t worked with Peggy, whom he grew up with and she knew all about his life. How could he ever make something work with someone who didn’t know him?

__________________________________

“Go on James, I’ll catch up in a minute. I have to talk to Dr. Carbonell.” James nodded before securing his hold around Steve. Tony watched as they moved. He tried to take in the real life details of him. The picture Natasha had on her desk never satisfied his curiosity, and she wouldn’t show him more. Natasha had talked about James very sparingly, and she usually never gave out many details about her personal life. He couldn’t really blame her. He kept his own secrets.

When Steve passed him he let himself take in the details he hadn’t before. He was taller than him (but honestly who wasn’t). His blonde hair made Tony want to reach out and run his fingers through. It reminded him of sunshine and warmth. Tony only wished he could see those eyes one last time before he left. They were the most stunning shade of blue, and they made Tony ache with something he knew he couldn’t have.

He watched as they moved slowly through the door. He thought he should offer them a wheelchair then decided against it. It wasn’t a long walk to where Natasha had parked. When she first started working at the hospital, she had asked for her office to be next to the loading docks. At the time he had thought she was mad, but as time went on he understood just how practical it was for her. It was an easy in and out. And it was easier to manipulate the footage to the docks than the lobby and parking garage. Natasha was a careful calculator. There wasn’t anything she didn’t do that wasn’t planned. She waited a few minutes after the door shut behind them.

“Thank you Anthony.” He wrinkled his nose.

“Why do you insist on calling me that, Nat?” She smiled.

“You like it.”

“I hope you know I only allow you to do it.” He sighed softly, holding his hand out. She grasped it lightly, holding his hand as if it was something precious. “You know I’ve got you Natasha. You have my discretion. This won’t hit the files. I’ll loop the videos. And get rid of all the evidence.” He jerked his free hand behind him toward the bed.

“Thank you Anthony. For everything you’ve done. You’ve taught me so much since I’ve started working here. Without you I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I can do now.” She said as she leaned in and kissed his cheek, letting go of his hand in the process. She turned to grip the doorknob. He turned over what she said in his head. He cared about Natasha. Her friendship had become precious to him. He had few friends as it was. He didn’t expect them to become friends when she showed up to work at the hospital, but here they were, a year later. He knew she had another job, but it wasn’t what it seemed. At least from what he could put together.

Natasha didn’t talk about it enough, but he couldn’t help but wonder. Back when Natasha finally decided she could trust him more than her other coworkers, she had asked him to teach her first aid: how to administer CPR (he helped get her certified), how to set an arm, how to apply pressure to a bullet wound/a knife wound; what to do in those situations. It was weird coming from a counselor, but he just chalked it up to her working in a hospital and wanting to be prepared. That was until she started coming in and asking more questions. She started asking him how to actually stitch wounds. How to determine if someone had a concussion. Were there proper places she had to place a tourniquet? If she did have to place one, did that mean they were going to lose their limb?

But she’d never brought anyone in before.

“All this can’t be from just working at the bar Nat.” He blurted out. Concern and curiosity winning out.

“Well it is Tony.”

“Nat-“

“ _Please_.” _Just drop it_. He decided to steer the subject elsewhere. He would never win against her. He knew she could take care of herself, but it was in his nature to worry about his friends.

“Why do you work there anyways? Do you not get paid enough here? I can probably get you a raise or a job somewhere else with a little less emotional strain.”

“I won’t say no to a raise.” She smiled wrinkling her nose in the process. “They’re family Tony. I can’t just leave them. Besides, I don’t really want to.” Tony supposed that should be enough of an explanation. It must be nice to have that sort of bond. The one where you actually gave a shit about what happened to someone. He wouldn’t really know the feeling. His family wasn’t much a family anymore. He only hoped they cared about her as much as she did.

“I should leave. You need to get back to the ER.” She hesitated only for a moment before bringing her hand up to caress his cheek. She smiled softly. “You’re too smart for your own good. So observant too.” She dropped her hand, her smile turning wicked. “Please keep yourself safe. I don’t know what I’d do without you _kotyonok_ ** _*_**.” He groaned loudly.

“Natashaaa,” he whined “why do you give me the most embarrassing nicknames?”

“Only because you call me _bambolina*_.”

“Don’t forget my favorite, _patatina*_!”

“Right of course.” Her mouth was pressed together, trying to stifle the smile that threatened to split her face.

“But I do it out of love Nat! Out of love! You do it because you want to ruin my reputation.”

“What reputation?”

“Ouch.” He brought his hand over his heart in a dramatic show of hurt. She let out a soft laugh that had him remembering old memories of soft caresses and adoring words, causing his heart to squeeze a little. A long time ago Tony had confessed to Natasha that her laugh was achingly similar to his mothers. And if she seemed to laugh a little more in his presence after that, then it was nobody’s business but her own. “You’ll call if you need anything else?” She smiled and nodded.

“Don’t forget to lock up.” She turned making her way through the door. He let out a sigh as soon as he was alone.

“How the fuck am I supposed to get rid of this bed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Threw a little endgame Nat in there for you. You know how it is. I'm still not okay and not over that movie. Tell me what you guys think? Was their first meeting what you expected?
> 
> Also a few things to note:  
> -I tried to use a little bit of comic book Clint and Nat as back story info. For Sam and Bucky I think I'm going to wing it. We'll see.  
> -Steve's POV in the end was (tried to be) written as fuzzy and a little uncontrolled to try and help emphasize the fact that he got a concussion. Also the mood swings. There wasn't much but I tried to add that in there. Probably unrealistic for them to show up that fast but w.e. It's fine.  
> -I'm definitely no doctor. But I tried to look into a few proper ways that Tony would go about things.  
> -Tony is a surgeon. I don't know how real doctors work. But I took the idea from Dr. House that doctors have to volunteer in the ER certain hours of the week.  
> -My Tony is a very affectionate person. At least that's the way I hope he comes across as!  
> -I like the idea of love at first sight, but decided to go against that. Instead I'm trying to do a sort of attraction at first sight sorta thing.
> 
> bambolina: Italian for little doll  
> patatina: Italian for little potato  
> kotyonok: Russian for kitten


	5. Things haven’t changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has to be one of my favorite chapters so far! I hope you enjoy!

_Hours later (7:00am)_

In the end he did not get rid of the bed. He also resisted the urge to just flip the mattress over. Instead he went and cleaned it as best as he could. _Then_ he flipped it over. He’d buy a new bed when a few days had passed to help avoid suspicion. He sighed as he inserted his key into the door. It had been a long night; with Natasha coming in and surprising him, having to manipulate the camera’s footage and cleaning the bed, and then having to finish his shift. He was looking forward to having a nap.

“Welcome home, Sir.” Greeted a modulated British voice above his head.

“Good morning J,” he replied through a long yawn. “Can you get the coffee pot started for me?”

“Sir, wouldn’t it be best if you went straight to sleep?”

“I’m trying out this new thing J. I read an article the other day that said if you drink a cup of coffee before sleeping it’ll help increase the rest you get.”

“That sounds made up Sir. From what I can gather having a cup of coffee before bed does not affect the quality of your sleep.”

“Well in that case, looks like I’m getting what I want either way buddy.”

“Well played, Sir.” Came the reply shortly after the smell of fresh coffee brewing hit his senses. He breathed in deeply while taking off his shoes. He placed them on the shoe rack by the front door. Coffee always made him think of his mother. He stood in his foyer reminiscing about the last time they had had coffee together.

“ _Why do you add milk to your caffé* Tesoro*?” she had asked him fondly._

_“I just like the way it tastes mamma*. I don’t like how bitter it is,” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. She laughed at him, in that way she rarely ever did. With her head thrown back and her shoulders shaking. “What’s so funny mamma?” he tried to ask offended but his lips betrayed him. He couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his face, not when his mamma laughed like that._

_“I used to say the same thing to your nonna* is all,” her smile turned into a sad one. He reached over and took her hand. “Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness[1]”_

_“What do you mean mamma?”_

_“I hope you never find out Tesoro.” She had squeezed his hand and held onto him tightly. “I just like to think of it as a metaphor for my life is all.” She waved her free hand in a dismissive way. “But that’s enough about that. Let’s talk about your schooling. You’ll do great things in this life bambino* I just know it. You’re going to make me so proud.” Her eyes had twinkled when she looked at him._

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, his breathing hitched a little. He could feel his heart squeezing painfully. He tried not to think about his mamma that often. It never ended well for his emotions. He made his way towards the kitchen, down the hallway to the left. He entered through the doorway and made his way towards the cabinets where he plucked his favorite mug; one that said _A moment of science please_. He poured himself a generous amount, and then placed it on the counter. He moved toward the fridge and opened it, quickly peering inside. A knock on the door paused his search for the milk. He squinted toward the clock that was blinking on the stove, confirming that it was still only 7:30am. Wondering who it could be, he only stared in the direction of the front door.

“Sir, Obadiah and your father are at the door.” JARVIS’ voice cut through the haze in his brain. He felt a flash of panic before he tapered down his emotions. He straitened his shirt and trousers before he made his way towards the door. He unlocked the door quickly, and paused for only a moment before turning the knob and opening the door. On his front step stood the two men JARVIS had announced.

“It’s about damn time you opened the door boy.” His father’s tall frame pushed past him into his house. Tony only moved out of the way, stunned but not surprised.

“Howard, is that any way to greet your son?” Tony turned to look at Obadiah still on the doorstep. He looked older than he remembered. He was still bald, but his beard held more salt than pepper. He towered over Tony by a few inches. He held out a hand and Tony gripped it without thinking. His grip was as firm as ever. He pulled Tony into an embrace and he awkwardly hugged back. Obadiah let him go, but still held onto him by his shoulders. “How have you been son?”

“I’ve been good Obie, how about you?” came the automated reply. The shock was fading away and suspicion started to grow in its place; mostly because his Father had come. Obadiah had tended to drop by every now and then to see him, though he hadn’t been by in the past year.

“I’ve been better my boy.” He dropped his hands from his shoulders and sighed. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, you know you don’t have to ask.” He moved out of the way to allow Obadiah to pass through the door. He closed the door behind him and followed the older man into the living room. Throwing a longing look into the kitchen on the way past it; he turned to the right instead.

“It’s about time you decided to follow me. What were you two doing?” Howard snarked. He was facing the wall, gazing at Tony’s certificates in disgust. Tony quickly took in his father’s frame, a habit he had yet to break from his younger years. He too looked older; with his hair being almost completely white. He turned around and faced Obadiah and Tony, with his hands behind his back. His face was lined with wrinkles; which were being emphasized by the scowl he had on his face at the moment. “Well?”

“We were only catching up Howard.” Obadiah held his hands up in mock surrender. Tony looked between them and felt uneasy.

“Not that I don’t appreciate… whatever this is, but do what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” he hesitantly asked. Howards gaze zoned in on him immediately.

“Right let’s get this over with shall we.” He straightened up, the stance he usually took when he was closing a deal. “I need to you to come back to Stark industries immediately and take over R&D.” Tony all but felt his mouth drop open in surprise.

“Excuse me?” he sputtered out. Howard only waved his hand flippantly.

“You heard me boy.”

“Oh loud and clear _Howard,_ ” he replied through clenched teeth. “I thought you didn’t want me there. Didn’t you say I was more of a hindrance than help?”

“Changed my mind.” Howard didn’t even give him the decency to look at him anymore. He had turned around again and was examining the wall.

“Oh _have_ you? And just what makes you think I’ll ever agree to come back?”

“Carbonell.” Howard said suddenly. Tony furrowed his brows in confusion. What did his mother’s maiden name have to do with this? “You know Carbonell isn’t your legal name. It’s Stark.”

“Right.” He responded warily. He didn’t like where this was going. “Let’s backtrack shall we? Let’s finish talking about how I’ll never set foot-“

“How you even graduated as a Carbonell is beyond me.” Howard continued talking as if Tony never said anything. “Wouldn’t that make your diploma null and void?”

“I can change my name. It doesn’t matter anyways. It was mamma’s name, so it’s mine too.” He countered, narrowing his eyes. “Are you trying to blackmail me?”

“Hmm…” Howard could be regarded as almost thoughtful for a moment. “Well then. Who’s to say you’ve not given me the wrong dosage on my medication. I think it might be too high you know. You said I would be fine. Couldn’t that be counted as medical malpractice?” Tony felt nothing for a second before hot rage bloomed in his chest. He felt himself go hot. How could he underestimate his father. Howard was only good for taking away the things he loved. He wouldn’t take this from him. He _couldn’t_.

“I’m not even your doctor.” He seethed.

“Documents can be faked. I have everything at my disposal to do so. Who do you think they’d believe? The CEO of Stark Industries, or some Doctor no one has even heard of.” Tony was speechless. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Howard had always been cutthroat in getting what he wanted. Why should this be any different. “I always thought you were fairly brilliant and clever. You could have made a name for yourself by now. Maybe I was wrong. Pity.” He didn’t know why he thought he could have this. This one thing that was important to him. He couldn’t help people through Stark industries, not how he wanted to. He could help them now. He could flee the city. Maybe even the country. He wasn’t going to let Howard bully him into going back. He couldn’t be a part of that.

“That’s enough Howard.” Obadiah’s voice cut through the panicked fog in Tony’s brain. “Why don’t you go wait in the foyer? I’ll talk to the boy. You know you’ve always been a bit more…” _Self-centered, fowl, abusive; the list could go on._ Tony thought bitterly “Impulsive.” Obadiah put his hand on Howards shoulder.

“Whatever Stane. I’ll be waiting in the car. I told you this was a waste of time.” He shrugged off the hand and brushed past his partner. They stood in silence for a few moments before they heard the door open and close. Obadiah sighed.

“I hate to ask this of you son. I truly do, but we need your help.” Tony looked at him in surprise. “Howard won’t tell you what’s going on, but I will. Stark industries isn’t doing too well Tony.”

“Why couldn’t he just say that?” He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “I didn’t know why you two were here. I don’t know what’s going on. All he did was come in, demand I work for him and then start threatening me.”

“You know your dad Tony. He’s scared.”

“Oh, he’s just shaking in his boots alright.” Tony rolled his eyes so hard he was surprised he didn’t see the inside of his head.

“I mean it son. He’s scared and frustrated. Things haven’t been working out to well for us. We haven’t had a successful release in years. The only reason we’re still on top is because of your designs Tony. They’re the best designs we’ve ever had. Between you and me, because god only knows his pride won’t let him admit it, he knows you’re our only hope. Howard knows you’re smarter than he ever will be. Could ever be.”

“Like I’m supposed to believe that Obie.” Tony gestured around wildly. “The man has never _once_ complemented me on anything I’ve ever done. It was always _I can do better than that drunk off my ass_ or-“

“He’s just jealous Tony!” Obadiah raised his voice. Tony widened his eyes. “Sorry… It just upsets me how insecure you are about your own genius.”

“I’m not insecure!” Now it was Tony that yelled. Obadiah’s face softened.

“He may have said those things, but did you ever see him do better?”

“No…” Tony replied after a moment.

“Just think about it. 6 months Tony. Maybe a year. Tops. You’d be doing us… me… you’d be doing me a huge favor Tony. We’ll get a few new prototypes, some new designs… Hell if you can teach those idiots in R&D something new you can leave quicker. They’ll never be as clever or innovative as you, but maybe we’ll be lucky and get something half as good. Please reconsider.” Obadiah’s face was pleading with him.

Tony swallowed hard and shifted his gaze to behind the older man’s face, not able to bare the heavy gaze. As much as he wanted to tell Howard ‘Go to hell’ and risk it all… he couldn’t do that to Obie. Howard had always been a shit parent. Where he failed, Obadiah picked up the slack. He would never admit it to anyone, but when he was younger he found himself thinking why Obadiah couldn’t have been his real dad. Of course now that he was older and vainer he was lucky that he wasn’t. He’d settled for having the man as a godfather instead.

As much as he wished he could see the company crash and burn, those were the dreams of a naïve child. If it wasn’t Stark Industries it would be someone else. Like Hammer Industries. He shuddered discreetly at the thought. At least the guns at Stark Industries were well made. There had never been a case where the bullet had fired behind barrel instead of forward. The same couldn’t be said for old Hammer.

If he could only focus on the good that Stark Industries did. Maybe he could sneak in a few of his own designs as well. He was sure he could convince his godfather to help.

If it was only Howard he’d have no qualms about letting this particular ship sink, but Obadiah had as much at stake here…

“Only for a little while Obie. I can’t stay there forever.” He looked down at his shoes while he said it. He blinked away the burning he felt in his eyes. _Stupid._

“That’s my boy!” he flinched as heavy hands landed onto his shoulder blades. “You’ll make me proud.” He looked up into the older man’s face to find him smiling brightly. “Shoot is that the time? I’ve got to head out son, you understand? Thank you for this. I know you’re going to help us out of this pickle, and before you know it you’ll be back practicing medicine. Just let me know how long you need to get yourself sorted alright? But don’t take too long.” With one last squeeze of his shoulders, Obadiah released him and headed towards the foyer.

He dropped onto the couch behind him as the front door shut in an air of finality. Stunned was an understatement. He felt numb, he still couldn’t wrap his head around what had transpired in the last... Was it only 30 minutes? 30 minutes was all it took to put his world upside down. He leaned forward onto his knees and inhaled deeply. He exhaled. He continued the pattern for a few moments before standing up. He headed into the kitchen and picked up his coffee cup. He held it tight in both hands and pressed his back against the counter.

He sipped on his cold coffee; forcing himself to appreciate the bitterness.

He wondered if his mamma was still proud of him.

__________________________________

_Earlier (5:00AM)_

Steve wasn’t happy. That was an understatement. Steve was furious.

Well, maybe that was a lie. Truth be told, he was exhausted. It had been a full day since he last had some sleep, not including the unaccounted time where he had been knocked out. He was running on the fumes of his anger, and worry for Peggy. He had to keep himself angry to keep himself awake. He had to know Peggy would be okay before he could sleep.

“I need to see Peggy.” He ground out through clenched teeth. If asked it was because he was angry, not because he was in pain.

“What you _need_ Steve, is rest.” Natasha snarled back at him. He glared at her and tightened his fists underneath the table in front of him.

“You forget who’s in charge Natasha.”

“You forget you're an idiot Steve. You can’t go anywhere like this.” She glared right back at him.

“Stop harassing the old man, Nat. Peggy’s on her way Steve, stand down for the love of god.” Bucky looked between the two of them and threw his good hand up in the air. “I swear you two are dramatic. This could have been solved earlier if one of you called her.”

“You’re welcome.” Sam said from the doorway where he was casually leaning up against the frame. Steve felt some of the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders and jaw lessen. He couldn’t completely relax until he saw Peggy face to face.

“Good.” Was all he replied. He leaned back into the chair where he was sitting. He placed his hands atop the table, clasping them together, and looked at them. Silence filled the room. Now that his anger had nowhere to go, exhaustion weighed him down heavier than before. They had settled into the kitchen of their ‘home’. Steve preferred the word headquarters.

Home to Steve wasn’t a place. It was his people. He hadn’t had a home since his Ma and Da died, but this was as close to that as he thought he’d ever get. This was his second shot at family, a home, and he could have lost it. He could still lose it. Rumlow had gotten away. And it was his fault. Again.

Bucky had seated himself across from Steve. He was relaxed and balancing the chair on its rear legs. Natasha still had a scowl on her face. She stood behind Bucky with her arms crossed and was leaned back into the counter casually. Sam still hadn’t moved from his position at the door. He cleared his throat.

“Natasha I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.” She shrugged.

“It’s all right Steve. I know how much of an ass you can be when you’re worried.” He scowled at her.

“I hope that worry isn’t directed at me. I was sound asleep in my bed.” A voice that was definitely not Sam’s, responded from the doorway. Steve jumped up from his seat instantly, and proceeded to regret it immediately when his stitches pulled. _Idiot,_ whispered a voice that sounded suspiciously like Natasha’s. He ignored it and took in Peggy’s appearance, relieved that she didn’t seem to have a hair out of place. He felt the rest of the tension in his body fade away. “Oh Stevie… What happened to you?” she looked him up and down with a frown on her plush pink lips. He sat back down in his chair as exhaustion rolled through him anew.

“Rumlow mostly.” Peggy’s gaze darkened.

“Sam gave me the run down. I made a call on the way here. If he even shows up at the precinct he’ll regret it.”

“He can’t be thrown in jail Peggs,” Steve growled. “He’s mine.”

“Steve you can’t seriously think-“

“He threatened you Peggy!” Steve interrupted her, anger igniting once again. If he wasn’t so tired he’d be surprised he wasn’t suffering from emotional whiplash. His emotions were changing drastically enough. “He threatened all of you! You think I can just sit back and take that? I didn’t get to where I am now playing by the rules Peggs. I’m not asking you for permission. If you catch him. He’s mine.” Peggy pursed her lips. She wasn’t pleased.

Ultimately this was where they clashed. This was the cause of their breakup. Peggy wanted Steve to leave this life behind. Or at least follow a more ‘legal’ code; one where she could help him more than she did now. But Steve didn’t need her help. This was in his blood. He would do whatever it took to keep those he loved safe. Peggy understood that in the end. When they split she had explained that while she understood the need to do what he did, there was only so much she should know being that she held such a high level position at the police department. She wanted to help him in everything that she could, but she also wanted to have plausible deniability. Now more than ever they knew that Hydra had infiltrated multiple government jobs. She couldn’t be relieved of her position holding such power, and risk someone from Hydra getting it.

Like Rumlow. Rumlow could have easily taken her position. He was moving through the ranks quickly enough.

“Have it your way Steve. You know I can’t help you if you get caught.” She replied regretfully, knowing she couldn’t win against him. This had been a fight they’d fought one too many times.

“I’m not asking you to. You know I’d never ask that of you Peggs.” He smiled at her tiredly. “Besides, do you really think the state of New York can hold me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italian~  
> caffé: coffee  
> Tesoro: Treasure  
> Mamma: Mom  
> Nonna: Grandmother  
> Bambino: Baby
> 
> [1] a quote by Martin Luther King Jr.
> 
> Tell me what you guys think! Did you like?


	6. Fancy meeting you here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Long time no see! I'm sorry I haven't been able to update for a while! October was a busy month for me. It was my wedding anniversary so we went on a little trip. I then had some birthday parties and some Halloween stuff that went on. I'm sorry. The good news is that I do have some of the next chapter typed up! So it shouldn't take me too long to finish that. I'm hoping to get on a better schedule, don't worry I don't plan on abandoning this fic! It had a special place in my heart and I'm so excited that we've all gotten this far! I made this chapter longer than planned to make up for the wait.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Present day_

Tony was naïve. He had tried to live a child’s fantasy; one where everything went according to plan. One where he decided to help Howard and he accomplished the things he actually wanted to do. Who was he kidding? Of course in the _real world_ , things didn’t turn out quite like planned. Fate seemed to want to remind him of why he tried to get away from designing guns to begin with. Why he was so thankful that Howard threw him out the first time. He had given himself illusions of grandeur by thinking anything had changed. Nothing had. Nothing would.

Of course those guns couldn’t properly be kept away from those wanting to _hurt_ innocents.

Tony sat on a stool at the bar, nursing his drink, staring blankly ahead. Some days you couldn’t save everyone. God knows he tried. Maybe he was selfish. It seemed like he was always trying to find some way to help ease the burden of his sins. He drained his glass and felt the scorch of the amber liquid slither down his throat, felt his stomach start to warm and his brain begin to get fuzzy. Drinking wouldn’t help him. It never did. He always felt worse afterwards, but it slowed down his thinking. It helped him focus on only one stream of thought instead of the multiple chaotic threads that bounced around in his head. It stopped the racing thoughts; the what if’s and I should have’s.

What was the point of becoming a doctor if you couldn’t save people when it counted?

No. He didn’t regret it. Not one thing. Maybe it was his own selfish way to make him feel better, but even if he couldn’t help everyone at least he was doing something about it.

But he could do more.

He felt someone sit on the stool next to him. He tried to ignore them for as long as possible until the presence felt unbearable.

“Leave me alone Rhodey.” he grumbled as he motioned for the bartender to get him another drink.

“Who’s Rhodey?” a familiar voice questioned. Tony turned his head slowly to the side and squinted. He looked into the man’s face, trying to place them. He took in the blonde hair that was combed neatly to the side. He contemplated the stunning shade of blue in the man’s eyes. He admired the strong jawline. Steve. This was a good distraction.

“Dr. Carbonell?” Steve prompted. Tony blinked, and then smiled slowly.

“Steve.” At his name Steve beamed at Tony, enough that he swore it brightened up the room a bit.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been bet-” Tony squinted at him again. “Hold on… What are _you_ doing here? Last time we met you were healing from a fight. A _bar fight_ if I’m not mistaken. Just aching to get into another one are you?”

“Yeah... wait no…um, I actually own this bar.” The tips of Steve’s ears turned pink. Tony decided to not mention that.

“Oh?” Tony turned a little in his seat and leaned his body toward Steve. “I haven’t seen you around here before, and I’m sure I’d remember. This place is my usual; though I haven’t been here in a while.” The pink in Steve’s ear was steadily traveling now and Tony observed in fascination. He wanted to see just how far it could go.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Even before the bar fight I mean.” Tony didn’t notice Steve’s nervous twitching; he was too busy watching the pink appear in other areas of his face. The flush from his ears had stopped and his cheeks were beginning to turn rosy. “I’ve been working on… other things. Something called me home. While here I decided that the bar would benefit from my presence.”

“Surely anyone with eyes could have told you that.” Steve’s face proceeded to flush entirely; from the tips of his ears, all the way down to his neck. Tony grinned, admiring the pretty flush on his pale skin. He wondered if it traveled down farther. “I’m sure business has picked up. Do people try to cause trouble just to have your strong arms haul them out?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Hmm…Ignore me I’m pretty sure I’m tipsy.” He turned his whole body towards Steve now, giving him his full undivided attention. The man was attractive, more so than the last time Tony had seen him. He cleaned up well. Tony preferred the messy state of his hair the last time they had seen each other, though his neat hair did suit him. He was dressed casually. He wore a long sleeved baby blue button down, making his eyes look brighter and richer in color. He also wore brown khaki’s. It was a stark and strange contrast to the dark rough clothes he had worn at the hospital. Despite his appearance (and the pretty flush) making him seem as less threatening as possible, there was still something about him that screamed danger. Tony knew something was going on here, and he wanted to find out what they were hiding. It was in his nature to figure out things that puzzled him, but he had kinda-sorta not really mentally promised Natasha he wouldn’t. He’d respect her privacy. “Tony.”

“Do you just blurt out names? I still don’t know who or what Rhodey is.” Tony laughed softly and placed his hand on Steve’s thigh and leaned in a fraction more. He could smell Steve’s cologne. It was fresh and clean, reminding him of newly washed sheets.

“Call me Tony please.”

“Alright Tony.” The way his voice caressed his name made him want to hear it again. And again. He leaned away trying to catch a breath, feeling too warm in a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol in his system. “What brings you here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Tony motioned to the glass that was placed in front of him at that very moment by the blonde bartender. “I’m having a drink.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“I can see that. I just never expected to see you around here is all; with the hospital being a little ways away.”

“Are you not happy to see me?” he stuck out his lower lip, pouting. He noticed Steve’s eyes focus on it momentarily. Pleased by that reaction; he watched Steve’s face blaze red again as the words processed.

“I am!” he sputtered out far too quickly.

“Relax hot stuff,” Steve was easy to fluster, and it’d been a long time since Tony had wanted anyone’s attention. He knew he was out of practice, but with Steve’s easy responses to him, it made him preen. “You know about Nat and I right?” he waited for Steve’s small nod. “I figure not too much since James didn’t seem to know who I was either. Well we’ve been friends for a while. She told me she worked here, said I should stop by sometime, and I’ve been coming ever since.” He turned his attention to his nails by the end, examining his cuticles. He didn’t want to talk too much about that. These were Natasha’s friends, and while he trusted her he didn’t think he could trust the man in front of him no matter how attractive he thought he was. Lack of trust seemed to go both ways as he observed the blonde through his lashes, watching him shift in his seat, opening and closing his mouth for a few seconds.

“What else did Natasha tell you?” he winced and Tony couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry that sounds… gossipy.”

“Maybe a bit. It’s fine. I’d want to know if my friends were talking shit about me too.” Steve looked shocked for a moment before he tilted his head back and laughed. It was deep and sudden, like Tony had surprised it out of him, which by the looks of it he had.

“I have no doubt that she does.”

“Well if you must know-“

“Tony?” He turned his head at the familiar voice; his body instantly ready to betray him. It wanted to slump in relief. Rhodey had come to get him. He didn’t expect anything less. James Rhodes had been nothing less than the best friend Tony could have ever asked for. But he wasn’t going to lie; he had been dreading this moment. As happy as he was to see his friend, Tony knew this would make everything real. He wanted to keep playing pretend. Pretend Howard hadn’t tried to blackmail him. Pretend today didn’t really happen. He wanted to pretend with Steve. He wanted a lot of things he couldn’t really have. His body’s reaction to his dear friend’s arrival was embarrassing. He could feel his eyes starting to burn already as he watched his friend approach, moving through the tables to get to him. He swallowed past the lump that was forming in his throat and blinked a few times.

“Honey bear!” he called out, waving his hand in the air in an exaggerated matter. Rhodey rolled his eyes fondly as he stopped in front of him. He watched as the dark skinned man looked him over carefully before shifting his gaze to Steve. He narrowed his eyes at Steve suspiciously. Tony knew that look anywhere and as much fun as it would be to watch Rhodey interrogate Steve, he decided to nip Rhodey’s protective streak in the bud as quickly as possible. “Steve this is my Rhodey. Rhodey, this is Steve. Say hi to each other now.”

“Steve.” Rhodey held out his hand like the gentleman that he was. “You can call me James. Rhodey is just a nickname this one here calls me.”

“It’s Nice to meet you James. I have a good friend with the same name.”

“You complain about your nickname, but his is Bucky.” Tony snickered. He wasn’t going to forget that any time soon.

“Tony _please_.” Rhodey’s smirk was fond despite his reprimand. “What have I told you about comparing nicknames?”

“It’s not my fault mine are better.”

The small silence that followed was comfortable. Tony felt good. He had been fully prepared to be miserable until Rhodey showed up, but with Steve’s company his mood had improved significantly. He didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted to keep feeling this way. He felt warm and floaty now, and his eyes started to feel heavy with drowsiness.

“Tony, how much have you had to drink?” The happy bubble Tony was in burst. Leave it to James Rhodes to get straight to the point. He fidgeted in his seat, not wanting to meet his friend’s eyes. He just wanted to hold onto his pleasant feelings for a little longer.

“The bartender and I have an understanding.”

“ _Tony_ -”

“Rhodey I,” he looked over at Steve and licked his lips, debating if he should even finish his sentence. He shifted his gaze back to Rhodey. “I had a rough day.”

“I know.” Rhodey sounded tired, and Tony could only feel guilty. Gone were the happy floaty feelings from moments before. Rhodey worried about him too much; especially when a lunatic with a gun showed up. Back when their friendship was still a budding flower, Tony had tried hiding how much it affected him, not wanting to bother his new friend with his traumas. What he didn’t count on was Rhodey reading him far too well to fall for his fake reassurances. “Let’s get you home.”

Tony only nodded and grabbed his drink. He looked down at it and then tipped it back, finishing it quickly. He turned towards Steve again, and contemplated for a moment.

“Hey, do you want my number? That way you can ask if I got home alright.”

“Tony!” Tony could imagine the look on Rhodey’s face. Honestly he was surprised that his best friend didn’t see this coming. “Look I’m sorry about him. He flirts pretty aggressively, especially when he’s been drinking.”

“It’s all right. I actually wouldn’t mind having his number.” Tony watched enamored while the delightful rosiness worked its way back onto Steve’s face.

“I can’t believe you Tones. Drunk off your rocker you still have game.”

“I’ll have you _know-_ “

“Yeah, save it Casanova. Give blondie here your number.” Tony put his hand palm up into Rhodey’s direction. He knew his friend always carried some pen and paper with him. He heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like _brat_ before handing him the items. Tony quickly wrote his cellphone number and his name on the blank piece of paper before handing it to Steve. He slid out of his seat and wobbled, a rush of dizziness passed through him. Rhodey shot his hands out to steady him, and Tony smiled at his friend.

“Thanks sour patch.”

“Do you want to lean on me?”

“I’ve got it sweet peach. Just don’t let me land on my face.” He steadied himself and began to walk towards the door, turning a little to wave back to Steve. “Bye Steve! Call me!”

He didn’t wait for a reply. He hurried out the door with Rhodey on his heels. It was a lovely September day; the soft breeze that was blowing did wonders for his overheated face. With a day like this you wouldn’t even believe that kids had died. With that thought, Tony’s mood soured completely, along with his stomach. He lurched towards a conveniently placed trashcan only feet away from the front of the bar and splayed himself over the open top. As he threw up the contents of his stomach, he wondered if the reason it was there was because of moments like these. The alcohol burned on its way up, mixed with the acid in his stomach, it made for a winning combination on his throat.

“Jesus Christ, what am I going to do with you?” Rhodey had placed himself behind him to steady his body. He was shivering and clammy. The breeze which had been nice before, now felt freezing.

“Taking care of me would be a good place to start.” He clenched his eyes shut as another wave of nausea rolled through him. He swallowed a few times as extra saliva gathered in his mouth before he threw up again. And again. His stomach contracted painfully before every retch. He was starting to have trouble breathing. As soon as the liquid left his mouth another heave came right behind it. His eyes began to tear up and his nose started to leak mucus. He was just starting to wonder if he was going to pass out as the gagging started to slow. Soon he was just dry heaving painfully every other minute instead of constantly. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth for a few moments, with Rhodey patiently holding him up. “I think I’m good now.”

“Are you sure?” The concern was blaringly obvious in his tone and Tony couldn’t help but feel worse. If Tony wasn’t so selfish he’d have let go of this friendship a long time ago, but he needed Rhodey. He needed him so much. A sudden overwhelming wave of grief filled Tony and he could only do so much to hold back his sob. Rhodey was there for him when his mom had passed away. Rhodey had been there when Jarvis had died too. And Tony knew that Rhodey would be here for this too. Tony nodded his response. His friend helped pull him upright and then shifted most of Tony’s weight to him. He was too tired to object now. Together they moved toward a sleek black Audi R8 that was parked on the side of the road.

“Wow honey bear. You sure know how to treat a guy.” His voice sounded wrecked to his own ears.

  
“Shut your ass up and get in the car. And don’t throw up. I just got it detailed.”

  
“I retract my previous statement.”  
  


Rhodey opened the passenger door and helped settle him onto the leather seat. Tony pulled at the seatbelt weakly, and Rhodey only brushed his hands away and buckled him in. He shut the door and Tony watched as his friend made his way around the front of the car to his own side. He sat in the driver’s seat and buckled himself. They sat in silence for a few moments with Tony growing progressively more tired. He shut his eyes and basked in Rhodey’s company. Being around Rhodey always gave him a feeling of being home. Of having a brother.

  
  
“Do… do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.” Rhodey started the car, and Tony felt tepid air hit his face. Bless Rhodey he had probably placed the air somewhere in the middle not wanting Tony to be too hot or cold. He wanted to cry all over again. He opened his eyes when he felt the car start to move. He wasn’t dizzy anymore but he didn’t want to push his luck. Rhodey briefly looked over at him before turning his attention back to the road. He heard his grip tighten on the wheel. “Dammit Tony, what’s going on? You haven’t answered my calls all week. I haven’t been able to catch you at the hospital. And I know today was hard, but I’ve _never_ seen you this drunk before.”

Tony didn’t want to talk about this, but he supposed he had to. This was why he hadn’t wanted to talk to Rhodey. Talking to him was going to make things real. It would finish putting things into motion… But that wasn’t the truth. Whether he told Rhodey or not, it was already real. His father and Obie had already gone to see him. He was already scheduled to start at the company this week. As much as he wanted this to be another bad dream that Rhodey could chase away with promises and reassurances, it wasn’t that simple anymore.

  
  
“He wants me to go back.”

  
  
“Hell no.” Anger was clear in Rhodey’s tone. And bless Rhodey again for not needing more clarification than that. Tony really and truly did not deserve him as a friend. “I’m going to go give him a piece of my mind! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You don’t owe him shit.”  
  
  


“He threatened me...”  
  
  


“That’s it. Motherfucker. I’m kicking his ass. You watch Tony. We’re going right now.”  
  
  


“Rhodey, I appreciate you being my knight in shining armor, but you can’t help me.”  
  


“Tones-“

“It’s for the greater good right? If my guns can protect you then well… I don’t mind making them for others. Others like you.” The lie left him feeling nauseous again. He could believe it. He had to believe it. If he didn’t he might go insane.  
  


“ _Fuck_. What good is being a part of the FBI if I can’t help you Tony.”  
  
  


“Shit Rhodey I don’t know” He leaned his head back onto the headrest and looked onto the ceiling. “Don’t they let you see some aliens?”  
  
  


“That’s classified.”  
  
  


“Oh my god, are you serious? I was just kidding. Please tell me you’re serious. I can’t tell right now. ”  
  
  


“Tony stop. I’m kidding.”  
  
  


“Yeah, right I don’t believe you.”  
  
  


“Goddammit Tony, you’re a menace to national security.” Rhodey’s voice had that teasing tilt to it now, and Tony couldn’t help but close his eyes again and smile. This was another reason why Rhodey would forever be his favorite. He never focused on the heavy things for long. He took them in and then looked for ways to solve them. And if solving them wasn’t the answer, then humor was always the next best thing.

“Tony...”

  
  
“It’s fine Rhodey. I’ll deal with it somehow. I always have.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

And with that, silence filled the car again. Tony let himself be lulled by the soft sound of the world passing by and the feeling of having Rhodey near.

__________________________________

When he walked out of his office the last person Steve expected to see in his bar was Dr. Carbonell. It was a pleasant surprise, and would provide a much needed distraction. He was ~~_forced_ ~~trying to implement break times to help keep from overworking himself.

He had been having no luck tracking down Rumlow, and he was getting frustrated. His contacts had no information on the man. It was like he disappeared, and Steve couldn’t believe it. Wouldn’t accept it. He knew he was starting to obsess about the situation, but he couldn’t stop himself. Even if he could he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He figured it was justified. No one had ever infiltrated his crew before. At least not successfully, and they certainly never got the chance to try again. Steve had made sure to be loud and clear about what happened to those who tried to mess with his people. The fact that Rumlow was successful and managed to escape was driving Steve crazy. He was a ball of pent up frustration and guilt nowadays, with random bouts of irritability. Which was why Natasha had been on his case about making sure he took breaks to clear his mind and relax. And damn his crew for helping him follow that through. Bucky had been the one to kick him out of his office this time, telling him to go do something else besides mope around.

Which brought him here; with Dr. Carbonell in front of him.

Steve was also surprised to find his interests divided. Half of him told him to go do anything else. He didn’t need to be distracted. He could always snag the tablet Clint kept behind the bar and go to the rooftop to continue his research… But the other half of him (that was admittedly winning) told him to go toward the man. Steve wasn’t sure if his concussion had clouded his memories, and having the man here in front of him was the perfect opportunity. He would have been lying to himself if he said he hadn’t thought about the man at all. Particularly the brunette’s eyes. He couldn’t get those eyes out of his head. Those chocolate eyes rimmed by lush lashes any woman would be envious of.

Steve hesitated for a few moments longer before thinking to hell with it and walked over to sit next to the man.

“Leave me alone Rhodey.” He watched as the man motioned for another glass of liquor. Steve furrowed his eyebrows. Maybe he’d been waiting for someone?

“Who’s Rhodey?” Steve winced. Clint was a notorious gossiper for being 80% deaf; this now that he thought about it, probably came in handy when he was spying. He had seen Clint use a small sleight of hand to remove his hearing aids before getting caught eavesdropping. Clint had also become an expert on lip reading, which came in handy in moments where he didn’t have his hearing aids. And when he wasn’t in the mood for being sneaky; he was just straightforward with his questions.

Steve had taken to innocently asking his crew questions to help fuel Clint’s gossip obsession, but only when he knew the man was having a hard time. With everything that had happened Clint was feeling guilty about not having seen Rumlow’s double crossing. Clint had always prided himself in being the groups ‘all seeing eye’ as he would call himself. The man had an impressive attention to detail, and his reading on people was almost always uncanny.

So the inquiry had come out without hesitation knowing Clint was beating himself up over things that weren’t his fault. And before Steve could apologize and excuse himself; Dr. Carbonell turned his head to look at him. His eyes squinted at him suspiciously, moving over his face slowly before recognition flashed across his face. “Dr. Carbonell?”

“Steve.” A warm flush of pleasure slithered down his back and he smiled instantly. He couldn’t help it. He was delighted the brunette remembered him. Though with the way they had met he would have been amazed if he hadn’t.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been bet- Hold on… what are you doing here? Last time we met you were healing from a fight. A _bar fight_ if I’m not mistaken. Just aching to get into another one are you?”

“Yeah,” he stuttered out suddenly sheepish “, wait no… um, I actually own this bar.”

“Oh?” the brunette turned in his seat. “I haven’t seen you around here before, and I’m sure I’d remember. This place is my usual; though I haven’t been here in a while.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here too. Even before the bar fight I mean.” Steve didn’t know why he was nervous. The intense stare focused on him made him feel like he was being looked right through. As though he could easily peel back the layers and find the truth, but that wasn’t true. But why did it feel like it could be? “I’ve been working on… other things. Something called me home. While here I decided that the bar would benefit from my presence.”

“Surely anyone with eyes could have told you that. I’m sure business has picked up. Do people try to cause trouble just to have your strong arm haul them out?” Was it just his imagination or did he bat his eyelashes? Was that actually a thing?

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Steve could feel himself getting warmer. Dr. Carbonell’s full attention was intense. It felt like having the sun come out on a cloudy day. You don’t realize how dim it is and cold you are until it breaks free of the clouds and it warms you up and brightens up your surroundings. He liked it.

“Hmm… Ignore me I’m pretty sure I’m tipsy.” He didn’t doubt what the man said. He did look to be sporting a decent buzz. Steve took this moment to appreciate the man in front of him. While his concussion fueled brain had enhanced the man’s features, it didn’t lie. He was handsome. Stunningly so. _Beautiful._ He was impeccably dressed in his plain long sleeved button down and black slacks. His cuffs were undone and pushed up to his elbows, showing off his tanned arms. His curls were a mess today, far different from the artfully styled ones he remembered. The facial hair was still perfectly shaped and trimmed around his face. And those lips were still as plump and pink as he remembered. The one thing his memory lacked, however, was how _expressive_ those honeyed eyes were. “Tony.”

“Do you just blurt out names? I still don’t know who or what Rhodey is.” The brunette let out a soft laugh and leaned in more, placing a hand on Steve’s thigh. His breathing hitched as he took in the half lidded gaze and flushed cheeks.

“Call me Tony please.”

“Alright Tony.” He swore his own voice sounded breathy. God Tony. Tony. He could easily imagine himself chanting that name. It just fell off his tongue. “What brings you here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Tony waved his hand in front of him dramatically as Clint set down his glass. “I’m having a drink.”

“I can see that.” Steve rolled his eyes fondly. “I just never expected you around here is all; with the hospital being a little ways away.”

“Are you not happy to see me?” Steve’s eyes followed the movement of Tony’s puckered bottom lip before snapping his gaze up, mortified.

“I am!”

“Relax hot stuff. You know about Nat and I right?” Steve nodded. “I figure not too much since James didn’t know who I was either. Well we’ve been friends for a while. She told me she worked here, said I should stop by sometime, and I’ve been coming here ever since.” That seemed… like an oversimplified explanation even by his standards. Steve knew a thing or two about trying to avoid explaining yourself, but this almost seemed like he was hiding something. Suspicion started to creep into Steve’s mind, and he didn’t fight it.

“What else did Natasha tell you?” Damn Clint and his ~~_need_ ~~want for gossip. “Sorry that sounded… gossipy.”

“Maybe a bit. It’s fine. I’d want to know if my friends were talking shit about me too.” The blunt honesty startled a laugh out of Steve.

“I have no doubt that she does.”

“Well if you must know-“

“Tony?” Steve whipped his head around. A man dressed in a suit had entered the bar and had locked his eyes onto the brunette next to him. He was walking towards them and Steve tensed immediately, not knowing who the man was and why he was there. He carried himself similar to how Peggy did, and he exuded authority. Steve narrowed his eyes at the stranger as he got closer, ready to expect anything.

“Honey bear!” Tony suddenly called out with an exaggerated wave. It startled Steve, but hearing the nickname made Steve relax instantly. Tony knew the guy and apparently well enough to give him a ridiculous name. The man rolled his eyes at Tony and looked him over carefully. Annoyance flashed through Steve and he resisted the urge to tell the guy to look somewhere else. His gaze then shifted to look at him and the man immediately narrowed his eyes. Steve was about to tell the man to take a picture because it would last longer, when he noticed Tony motioning between them.

“Steve this is my Rhodey. Rhodey, this is Steve. Say hi to each other now.”

“Steve. You can call me James if you want. Rhodey is a nickname this one here calls me.” He held out his hand in greeting and Steve took it. So this was the Rhodey Tony had mentioned.

“It’s nice to meet you James. I have a good friend with the same name.”

“You complain about your nickname, but his is Bucky.” Tony snickered.

“Tony _please_.” James’ smirked at the brunette despite his chastising tone. “What did I tell you about comparing nicknames?”

“It’s not my fault mine are better.”

Silence followed the exchange, and Steve watched the two men. Tony had a pleased look on his face, and was swaying softly in his seat. Steve was concerned he’d suddenly fall over. The other man only had eyes for Tony. His gaze was worried as he continued to look Tony over. Annoyance flashed again as he wondered exactly what their relationship was like. He wondered if he misread any signals along the way.

“Tony, how much have you had to drink?” James leveled Tony with a look Steve couldn’t quite decipher. Tony averted his gaze slightly and looked at the floor instead of his friend.

“The bartender and I have an understanding.”

“ _Tony_ -”

“Rhodey I,” he looked over at Steve before shifting his gaze back to James. “I had a rough day.” James only sighed. His posture deflated. Gone was the confidant man that had entered the room. He appeared weary now.

“I know. Let’s get you home.” Tony turned back to the counter and threw back his drink. He then turned to look at Steve. His cheeks were still flushed lightly, and his plush lips were shiny. Steve watched as he licked his lips before speaking.

“Hey do you want my number? That way you can ask if I got home alright.”

“Tony!” James sounded embarrassed. Steve could check but he was focused on Tony’s face. He had an easy smile on, and he looked pleased with himself. “Look sorry about him. He flirts pretty aggressively, especially when he’s been drinking.” Steve could only laugh. The more he spent in his presence the more delighted and enamored he became with him. He knew he should say no. This couldn’t end well, but he couldn’t resist.

“It’s all right. I actually wouldn’t mind having his number.” His cheeks begin to heat up immediately. Rhodey only threw his head back and laughed.

“I can’t believe you Tones. Drunk off your rocker you still have game.” Tony’s face turned to look at him in offense.

“I’ll have you _know-_ “

“Yeah, save it Casanova. Give blondie here your number.” Tony stuck his lower lip out in a pout and extended his hand out in the man’s direction. He sighed and dug into his suit pocket, fishing out a pen and a pad of paper. He watched as Tony scribbled onto the notepad. He tore the paper and handed it over to him. Tony then slid out of his seat and nearly face planted into the floor. Steve was so stunned he didn’t even move while James had seemed to fully anticipate the situation and had put his hands out to secure him. Tony beamed at his friend.

“Thanks sour patch.”

“Do you want to lean on me?”

“I’ve got it sweet peach. Just don’t let me land on my face.” Tony waved off James’ concern and hands and began to stumble his way towards the door. Steve was left speechless. The man who had only seemed tipsy before was utterly sloshed. He stopped and turned to wave at him. “Bye Steve! Call me!”

“Clint,” Steve growled out the blonde’s name as soon as Tony was out the door. What would have happened if Tony’s friend hadn’t shown up? How would he have gotten home safely? “What the hell was that? You damn well know there’s a limit!”

“Listen Steve!” The blonde, who had come when Steve called, put his hands up defensively and Steve felt himself want to smack him. Clint could be the most _irresponsible_ -

“There’s no excuse for this Clint!” He started moving around the bar. He’d take Clint to the back and scold him in private.

“I know about him from Nat!” That made Steve stop. It wasn’t what he’d expected to hear from the blonde. He kept his glare on the man, but made no move to advance. He crossed his arms and nodded his head to continue. “She called to warn me that he might show up today. She’s the one that deals with him, but with what happened today she’s at the hospital consoling the kids and parents with trauma.” Steve tilted his head to the side, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Steve the guy’s a Doctor. The shooting today… are you making the connection yet?” When Steve continued to look at him confused, Clint cursed and fumbled with the TV remote. “Haven’t you seen the news at all today? Right, you’ve been busy…” He motioned towards the TV that was hung on the wall. Clint had changed the channel to the news. In bold letters scrolling across the bottom were the words ‘HIGHSCHOOL SHOOTING. 7 DEAD 20 WOUNDED. SUSPECT DEAD.’

“Apparently Tasha says he gets like this any time stuff like this happens. Not like people dying, but something about it having to do with guns. She doesn’t really know what about it triggers him. None of the other doctors act this way about anything they deal with. She says they all work things out on their own terms, but with Tony, she says he takes it the hardest. At first she thought he just cared too much and was passionate about gun violence. But the more she’s gotten to know him, the more she’s certain there’s another reason to it, but she can’t figure it out.”

“Oh.” Guilt flooded him. There he was getting hotheaded. Again. He knew Clint would never go against the rules of the bar without reason. If Steve had been in his place, he would’ve helped Tony-

Tony.

Steve fought down the urge to cover his face as mortification burned through his body. Tony was in here after a traumatic day and Steve had, metaphorically and literally, been all over the man. He hadn’t even noticed the slump of the man’s body when he sat down. He was so caught up with his own thoughts and feelings he didn’t notice the tired look on Tony’s face. The grief.

Clint, the dense motherfucker completely oblivious to his leader’s inner turmoil, kept talking.

“She left me notes Steve. Notes on how to ‘care’ for him. Can you believe that? Anyways, from what Nat’s told me he’s always been a good guy and he’s helped her out a lot at the hospital. She really trusts him I think. She hasn’t told me how it happened, but when she found out how affected he was by shootings she told him to stop by here whenever he needed to and she’d take care of him. She thought it’d help you know? Help him overcome it, or at least forget about it.

But even shitfaced drunk he can’t seem to forget. She could see something in his face. She’s tried getting him to talk about it, but he’s refused, and Nat won’t press. The third time he showed up that other guy showed up behind him and took Tony home. Introduced himself as James Rhodes said he was Tony’s friend and gave Tasha his number. Told him to call from then on whenever Tony was here so he’d come pick him up instead of sending him in an uber. So I called him right away because the dude came in already pretty messed up. I swear I only gave him two drinks!”

Clint’s rambles made sense until he recalled Tony’s reaction to him sitting down. He had told Steve to leave him alone; If Steve was Rhodey that is. If James always came to pick him up, what kind of reaction what that? Did they have a fight? Did Steve make a mistake in letting Tony leave with James?

Or was he just overreacting to the whole situation, and maybe Tony was just a difficult drunk. He rubbed his face with one hand. This was ridiculous. He barely knew the man… but he was Natasha’s friend. The least he could do was make sure he got home okay. He owed them both that much that after the way he acted. He groaned inwardly just thinking about contacting the man. His growing embarrassment was reason enough to not do anything of the sort, yet Steve already felt too invested. Despite his intense mortification, a part inside of him itched to make sure Tony was okay.

This in itself was worrisome.

Steve didn’t need anything dividing his attention.

Steve wasn’t looking to be in any sort of relationship any time soon. He was a busy man, and relationships took time and effort he couldn’t afford to spare right now. Besides, if things hadn’t worked out with Peggy, who knew what he did, he didn’t expect it to work with someone who was clueless.

Steve believed that whoever he was going end up with had to know about his lifestyle and accept it. Maybe even be a part of it; much like his parents. He thought he had found that with Peggy at one point. Until the arguing began, and he began to realize that the type of relationship his parents had was a special one and hard to find.

This made things easier.

Having a family was his Da’s downfall.

That became his whole crew’s downfall.

And Steve was already trying so hard for it not to become _their_ downfall.

“So, are you going to call him?”

“Who?”

“Who else? Dr. Carbonell!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please as if I didn’t see your whole exchange. It’s like you don’t even know me.”

“Do you realize how inappropriate this is?”

“I mean sure, but we live an inappropriate life. Gotta get some ass where you can.” Clint wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Steve regretted not being closer to Clint so he could place his hand over his mouth to make him stop talking; or to hit him. He didn’t know which option would be better. Maybe both. “Don’t think I didn’t see you drooling over him. I don’t blame you though. He’s certainly easy on the eyes.”

“Clint.” Steve growled having had enough.

“Are you going to call him? If you don’t maybe I will.” Clint reached over to try to pluck the paper out of Steve’s hands. He slapped his hands away and glared at the blonde.

“Who are we calling?” Bucky had walked out of the back room and looked between Clint and Steve.

“I’m tired of repeating myself and seeing no action. Steve is going to call Dr. Carbonell.”

“No, Steve isn’t.”

“Why?” Bucky stepped closer to Steve and raised his shirt to look at his healing wound. “Stevie did you rip your stitches? Is your head still bothering you? Is that why you’ve been such a pain in the ass?”

“Nah, nothing like that. Small world we live in. Dr. Carbonell was in our bar today and Steve’s got the hots for him.”

“Clint, I mean this in the most sincere way possible; you’re such a fuckin’ gossip.” Steve felt a headache coming on. He should have just snagged Clint’s tablet and headed to the roof. Or better yet his sketchbook, but it was too late, and here he was; surrounded by his meddling crew. Bucky looked at him with his eyebrows pulled together.

“Hey, don’t you think it’s a little weird Natasha never told us anything about him?”

“Speak for yourself.”

“How’d you manage to keep that secret anyways Clint?”

“Ha-ha.”

“Seriously,” Bucky’s face was grim. He crossed his arms as he looked between Clint and Steved. “How sure can we be to trust him?”

“I mean Tasha trusts him. You know that’s a pretty good indicator.”

“Natasha’s made mistakes before about people. I can tell you about one that happened recently, and that’s Rumlow. I mean I know we all fucked up, and maybe I’m on edge, but the fact that this guy knew about us and we didn’t know about him doesn’t sit well with me.”

“They’re not the same people.” Steve interrupted. Comparing the man he saw today to Rumlow wasn’t even remotely close or fair. Brock was a coward. He hid within his crew for months and the moment he could have taken his revenge he didn’t. He ran from the fight, and disappeared.

“Use your other head for a second Steve.” Steve let out a squawk of indignation as his mouth fell open in shock and Clint let out a chortle of surprise. “I mean it. I’m not saying this to yank your chain or give you a hard time. I’m telling you this as a worried friend and member. This is the kind of shit we need to be careful about.”

“Are you sure you’re not just jealous that Nat hid this from you?”

“No stupid.” Bucky glared at Clint. “What I’m trying to say is why would she have to hide him from us if it wasn’t a big deal? I might be paranoid, but it worries me.”

“What? So suddenly It’s okay to doubt your friends? After all the shit we’ve been through together?” Clint’s voice was steadily rising and his face was getting red. “This is Natasha we’re talking about Bucky. Your girlfriend. Our teammate. She’s had our back for as long as we’ve known her!”

“Just because she’s my girlfriend doesn’t mean anything.”

“That’s bullshit Barnes!”

He tuned out the argument his friends were having and thought about what Bucky had said. Ultimately, he was right. Which made Steve feel like he was losing his control. He couldn’t let his own selfish desires get in the way or endanger his whole crew. What they’d built together was more important than what he wanted. They protected this part of Brooklyn from mobs like Hydra. They helped lower income families by providing them aid. They helped secure a better future for all the children in this area. They made a difference. Steve had already made one mistake that could have cost them this.

_She told him to stop by here whenever he needed to_.

Bucky was right. Natasha had never talked about the man before. Yet he knew about them. Steve understood Natasha’s methods involved hiding her contacts and information until they were needed, but she had invited the man into their home. Steve couldn’t take the risk that Natasha knew what she was doing.

“I’ll talk to her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I based Tony's vomiting moment on my own lmao. At one of the birthday's I went to I had way too much to drink. So the next day was killer for me. Even the vomiting so intensely I couldn't breath. Funny story, while drunk I asked my husband why I had arms and said my cats were judging me. Good times lol.
> 
> Note: Comic Clint 616 was 80% deaf and used hearing aids so I'm using that for this story!
> 
> Any thoughts, questions, comments are appreciated!
> 
> Love you! <3 Thanks for reading and sticking around the brief hiatus!


	7. Blast from the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% happy about how this chapter turned out, but I didn't want to make you guys wait more than you have! I hope you like it anyways!
> 
> TW: Mention of child trafficking. I don’t exactly mean sex trafficking but I did leave it open ended so it could be assumed. There are other reasons like you know for body parts and stuff like that. I just didn’t want to get into it. Also abuse and torture. Again not detailed but it’s in there. Just a heads up!

Clint wasn’t happy about Steve’s decision. He’d stormed out, needing to get some air. He didn’t blame him for his reaction. It wasn’t his fault. He was loyal to a fault. He didn’t understand how important this was to Steve. It could cost him –them- everything they had worked so hard to get.

Steve understood his anger. Natasha was Clint’s first real friend, and this had become their family. Steve had worked so hard to make sure each one of them understood that. Steve agreeing with Bucky, to Clint, meant he doubted them.

He just didn’t understand what it could cost them if he didn’t.

It wasn’t that he thought Natasha was going behind his back, but bringing in new people was a process that Clint or Natasha had never been a part of. The newest member after them had been Rumlow, and look how that turned out. Steve needed to know just how much Tony knew and where Tony stood in relation to his crew.

He thought back to meeting Clint and Natasha. Natasha had never been in the plans. In fact if it wasn’t for Clint they would have never found her. Clint was already a prospect that they had been looking into recruiting. When whispers began in the streets about a man with flawless aim and impeccable eyesight Steve knew he had to have him. If he didn’t want to join, then they had to get rid of him. They didn’t need someone with that skillset terrorizing their side of Brooklyn.

But as it turned out, Clint hadn’t been meaning to threaten Steve or his crew. He had been investigating a mob who called themselves the KGB. It was an old-fashioned style mob that was fixated on working in outdated practices. They took innocent children, boys and girls, off the street. Some they took in.

Others they sold to the highest bidder.

They were the exact type of mob that Steve had sworn to eradicate.

And they were growing right under his nose.

When he discovered this, he was furious. He abandoned covertness and had approached the blonde directly and struck him a deal. He’d help him get whatever he needed if the blonde helped get rid of the KGB. Clint had been delighted. The man was then upfront and honest with Steve about why he had focused onto this particular mob.

_After having approached the blonde, Steve had invited him back to the bar. They were sitting at a table, both of them with a glass of hard liquor. It was after hours, so no one was around to eavesdrop. Steve felt comfortable enough having the man on his turf now knowing he didn’t mean them any harm to begin with._

_“When I was 10 I started home school because I ‘became deaf’.” He finger quoted. “My home life was shit. My father was an alcoholic abusive asshole to my little brother and me. One day I guess he’d just snapped. Starting wailing on my little brother, so I hit him with a vase. He started hitting me instead. Ruptured my eardrums, didn’t take me to the hospital until about 2 weeks later, infection had set in and I lost about 80% of my hearing.”_

_“Clint…”_

_“This isn’t about me. Just giving you some backstory since you trust me on this. So this girl that used to be in my class would walk down my street. She was so smart. She taught herself sign language because she wanted to make sure she could talk to me._

_One day I was outside playing darts, and she said my form sucked, offered to help me out. I told her to get lost my form was fine. She didn’t listen to me and then wiped my ass in my own game. After that she stopped by every day and we played different games. We became inseparable. She helped teach me to read lips so I wouldn’t have to rely on just sign language. She gave me reasons to want to be a kid again.” He took a swig of his drink._

_“It was on a day like any other when these people took her. They wanted to take us both, but she told them I was deaf and had cancer. I guess it throw a wrench in their plans, whatever they wanted with me. It was complete bullshit I don’t know how she got them to believe that, but they did. They let me go and they took her. I screamed until one of them knocked me out.”_

_“I’m sorry that happened to you.” The man only shrugged in response._

_“My life had been so shitty up until then I wondered when the good would end. I wasn’t surprised, but I felt so guilty for a long time afterwards. I thought maybe I had wished for it since I always expected something bad to happen. I was a stupid kid._

_Anyways, there were 4 of them and they wore these suits. They were a shiny black material resembling leather and on their arm they had this miniature red star bordered by gold. When the police questioned me about who took her I told them. I thought it was important since they were all wearing the exact same thing. I thought they would find her for sure because I knew it had to be an orchestrated plan. No one just wears matching outfits for shits and giggles. I was a stupid kid, but not that stupid. I knew there was something going on.”_

_“What happened?”_

_“Nothing came of it. They never found her.” He leaned forward and put his forearms on the table. “Until I did. It took me 14 years, and I regret every single one that I wasted leaving her with them; but I’m here now.”_

_“We’re here. We’ll get her Clint.” The blonde leaned back into his chair, raising the front legs. He put his arms behind his head and sat there with his eyes trained on Steve._

_“Since we’re being honest, I don’t trust you, but if you help me get Natasha out of that place I think I could.”_

_“We’ll make a good team, and we’ll make sure no one’s left.” Steve let himself smile. His anger was slowly simmering. He’d use this gang as a lesson to all the rest of them that wanted to follow in their footsteps. They wouldn’t leave a trace of them to be able to reform themselves. “After this is over, do you have anywhere to go?”_

_“No. I figured I’d get to that part later if I survived this.”_

_“I want you to think about joining my crew. I think you’d fit right in.”_

_“And if I don’t want to join?”_

_“You’ll have to leave New York.” Steve sat back in his chair and leveled the blonde with a look. The man whistled._

_“All right. Message received.”_

_“So about your dad…”_

_“He’s dead don’t worry.” The blonde had smiled deviously. “Swerved off a bridge when one of his front tires popped.”_

The KGB had been even more disgusting than Steve could have imagined. The children they didn’t peddle were tortured and blackmailed to work for the mob. The mob had implemented a technique to help break their hostages. They would first train them and teach them to fend for themselves; all while reiterating no one would come for them. They would dress up and pose as people that had been important to them, and pretend they were there to save them or had been captured to be with them. Being naïve scared children, many of them believed it. The KGB fabricated trust, and then destroyed the illusion by attempting to kill them.

Those who headed the warnings at the beginning survived.

They were proud of this technique. For them it was way to whittle out those who were ‘worthy’ being in their mob. They used this method periodically and randomly to keep them always on their toes, and to test their loyalties.

This, unfortunately, had been what happened to Natasha. They had made her believe no one was ever going to come for her. Her family thought she was dead, and if she even tried to contact them, they would be the ones killed. They made her believe the only place she had in the world was with them, and even then she was expendable. So being the overachiever she was –Clint’s words- she had flourished and became an elite infiltrator and assassin for the mob.

Clint had nearly lost his life trying to convince Natasha he was there to save her, and that he was in fact Clint. She thought Clint was some sort of test for her faith in them. She’d been expressing concern about the mob reviving the practice of abducting children. It was their main source of income, and they had been running out of money. Natasha had been trying to delay it as much as possible, and had been acting as a double agent within the mob. Sabotaging plans and helping children escape. As much as the KGB thought they had made her into their pawn, she wasn’t. She knew she had to play the part to survive. She hadn’t lost her humanity, and she wanted to spare as many children from her fate as she could.

When Steve’s crew and Clint showed up, Natasha didn’t hesitate in trying to take them down. The KGB had played mind games with her for 14 years. She didn’t believe any of them when they said they were on her side. Clint finally got through to her when he fabricated a quick makeshift dart game of the one she’d beat him in so many years before.

Clint had taken up Steve’s offer afterwards. True to his words, they didn’t have anywhere to go. There was also the matter of Natasha. Even after the brutal take down of the KGB, she couldn’t keep from looking over her shoulder constantly. Any time someone walked into the room she was in; she was up and ready to attack with a knife in one hand and the other pushing up against the person. As much as it pained Clint to admit, he knew he couldn’t help Natasha on his own. She would trust him, but what she really needed was to be in an environment with people she could learn to trust. She’d had years of deceit and manipulation to get through.

The clock read half past 8, and Steve was getting antsy. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his hands wrapped around a mug of hot tea. The warmth was a comfort while he waited for Natasha to return from the hospital. He worried sometimes about the stress of her job, but any time he brought it up she’d dismiss his concerns. She was perfectly capable of handling it she would tell him, and that she wasn’t as emotionally constipated as they thought she was. She always made a point to remind him how important it was to her to be able to do it.

It had been a slow and difficult process, helping Natasha overcome her trauma, but Steve couldn’t be more proud of her now. His judgement of Clint and Natasha leading to his decision to accept both into his ranks had been one of the wisest things he’d done. He was glad he’d taken a chance on them.

Months after the ruin of the KGB Natasha had begun to trust them. In the way of expressing her need to help children. Steve had encouraged her to find something that would help. He never wanted any of them to feel as if the mob was their only job, her especially, as the KGB expected it to be her entire life.

Steve thought it might be healthier for his crew to have outside interests. It was one of his reasons as to why he opened the bar (it also helped avoid resorting to illegal methods to earn money). He liked to take care of them in any way he knew how. Most of his crew was made up of people who statistically would struggle in society. Many of them had served in the military. Others had criminal records. There were enough of them that Steve decided if they couldn’t go anywhere else, they could always help out at the bar.

For Natasha, she needed to do something else. She missed the children from the (so-called) red room, and working at the bar wasn’t a kid friendly place. She began doing research, and then pulling strings and favors. Before Steve knew it, she had been standing in his kitchen holding up a degree in social work telling him she was going to become a counselor at the Maimonides Medical Center, specifically their children’s hospital. She had lifted her eyebrow in challenge, waiting for Steve to say anything. His throat had closed up and he only nodded before moving to embrace her. He had struggled to whisper how proud he was of her, resulting in her clinging to him as she struggled to control her own breathing. If he saw a few tears on her face after they let go, he’d never tell a soul.

Lost in his memories, he didn’t notice Natasha entering the kitchen quietly. He startled as she pulled open the fridge door. She stood there taking in the contents of the fridge with a thoughtful expression. She had to be deep in thought as she had completely bypassed Steve without a word.

“Nat.” Steve was apologetic knowing he would scare her no matter what. He saw Natasha slightly jump. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine Steve. I’m just out of it today. It was… difficult.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze. He stood up and approached the stove. He had kept a kettle of water warm waiting for her. He poured hot water into her favorite mug- a forest green one that said “‘tis the season”, even though it wasn’t Christmas- and then moved to grab some tea from the cabinet. It was quiet while he prepared it. He handed it to her. “Thank you.” He didn’t sit back down, instead opting to fill the coffee machine instead.

He wasn’t looking at her as he asked, “Are you okay?”

There wasn’t an answer right away, and Steve continued to fiddle with the coffee machine, filling it up with water and then turning it on. He finally looked over at her. “I’m fine.” What little emotion she had on her face when she came in was wiped clean. Steve itched to lean forward and comfort her, but knew it wouldn’t be welcome right now.

“It’s okay not to be.” He settled on using words to comfort her.

“I know Steve.” Her voice wavered for a second. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I know, but I’m not... I don’t feel like I should be allowed to grieve in the same way as these kids.”

“It’s not bad if you do. I think the world needs more people like that. If we all cared about what happened to each other, well I think we’d be better off.”

“I don’t think it would work that way.”

“I’d like to believe that we would.”

“Always the optimist.” She smiled at him before taking a sip of her tea.

“Well you know me.” There was silence again. He was fidgeting with his hands. He debated pouring himself coffee, but decided against it, knowing it’d only make far more nervous. He sat down instead at the table, Natasha’s shrewd eyes watching him the entire time.

“You okay Steve?” He fidgeted in his seat, trying to think of the best way to approach the oncoming subject.

“I know this is a bad time, but I have to talk to you Nat.”

“I’m all ears.” She leaned up against the counter and took another sip of her tea, not breaking her eye contact with him.

“It’s about Tony.” Her face flashed quickly before settling into a poker face. She turned sideways enough to place her mug on the countertop and then returned to her original position while crossing her arms over her body.

“What about him.”

“Does he know about what we do?”

“No.” Her response was fast and short. It was clear she was leaving no room for doubt or questions.

“I’m going to need a little more than that.”

Her eyes narrowed before she sighed tiredly. She unfolded her arms and let them drop to her sides. “What do you want to know?”

“Clint says you two are… close. You have to understand I need to know if you’ve told him anything.” Several emotions flashed on her face too fast for Steve to make sense of.

“I’m only going to say this once, and you’d better listen close.” Her voice was calm and steady, but he could detect a hint of anger. “I never told him anything, but I do trust him. It seems I made a mistake in telling Clint anything about him. My trust should be enough, and your trust in me. Isn’t that what we’re all about?” Steve could feel strings of shame uncurl in his chest, but he shook it off. He wouldn’t feel guilty about protecting his friends. “I didn’t talk about him for a reason Steve. You leave him out of… whatever this is. He’s done nothing wrong.”

  
“It’s not that I don’t trust you Nat. Of course I do, I trust you with my life, but we just had a major breech, and we can’t afford another one.”

“Whose fault is that? Just because Peggy trusted him and you blindly put your faith in her judgement. All because it was Peggy.” She was no longer trying to hide the anger in her voice. Her voice accusatory.

“Natasha that’s not true-”

“But it is! You were blinded by love. Love is for children. Love is what gets you and others hurt.” She tipped her chin up. “Besides, Thor has Jane. She doesn’t know about us, but I don’t see you up his ass making sure he keeps your secrets. He’s the one you should be worried about, because he’s blinded by love too.” Her hands were clenched at her sides. Things were starting to make sense for Steve. Natasha had always been afraid to become attached to people. It was moments like these where Steve wished he could go back in time and make the KGB suffer a far worse fate than they had been dealt. He stood up slowly and walked around the table. He tried to step closer to her and she shook her head in warning.

“Natasha-“ She held up her hand and he stopped, waiting for her to continue.

“I’m sorry Steve. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“It’s okay.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry too.”

“I know why you’re doing this too. I understand. Hell I’d do the same thing.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Look I am sorry. I’ll deal with… whatever, but if I see you or anyone threaten him I won’t stand for it Steve. You’re all important to me, but so is Anthony.”

“Anthony?”

“Tony.” She straightened up, her jaw clenching. A thought suddenly struck Steve.

“How close exactly are you two?” He peered at her through narrowed eyes. He wasn’t sure if he should be angry on Bucky’s behalf. He wasn’t sure… but he might even be envious and maybe even filled with a smidge of yearning. He didn’t want to know where these outrageous feelings had suddenly come from. He shook his head to clear it. It wasn’t the time or the place for introspection.

“Jesus Steve,” she laughed suddenly, bitterly. “I don’t know if I should be offended.”

“Dammit Natasha I just want to know what your relationship is with him!”

“Anthony is a friend whom I care very much about Steve! That’s all. I thought we were allowed to have a life outside the mob?” And that extinguished Steve’s anger. He was becoming quickly acquainted to the feeling of shame these days, and he didn’t like it. “What’s wrong Steve? Why are you acting this way?

“I don’t- It’s just…” He finally let his shoulders slump as he hung his head and let his chin rest against his chest. He felt tired now that all fight had left him. He owed Natasha honesty. He wasn’t treating her fairly. He wasn’t being a good leader. Or friend. “I’m on edge Nat. I haven’t been thinking straight these days. All I can think about is what Rumlow did. What he could have done to us. It doesn’t help that no one has heard anything about him.”

“Steve it’s okay. Things have been hard-“

“It’s not that Natasha,” he looked up to look at her face. He blinked quickly, hoping to stop the tears that threatened to spill. “, my father died because of one mistake, then the rest of his crew; _my family_. All because of _my_ mistake Nat. I can’t let that happen to you… any of you.” His voice broke at the end, and Natasha rushed over to hug him. He didn’t deserve them. Any of them. He didn’t deserve this life he had. Not with the price that had come with it. She pulled him into her arms and secured his head into the nook of her neck. He buried his head there and gave thanks for having supportive friends, even when he was a prick.

“Shh, it’s okay.” She was softly stroking his hair. He wasn’t crying, but he was having difficulty controlling his breathing. He had been a complete ass to her and Clint. He had to admit to himself that this wasn’t just about Rumlow. This was about him worrying about making the same mistake twice, and losing his family again. He didn’t think he could handle it a second time. “You’re wrong you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t know-“

“I do.” He didn’t want to keep arguing with her. He was tired. He knew Tony wasn’t a threat, hell he’d met the guy for Christ’s sake. He shouldn’t have listened to Bucky to begin with. Now that he thought about it, he was sure Clint had been right when he said Bucky was jealous of Tony.

“You should talk to Bucky. I’m pretty sure he’s jealous.” She snorted right into his ear.

“Idiot.” He finally pulled away from her and offered a tentative smile. She returned it and squeezed his hand before letting him go completely. Maybe Steve was jealous too, though he wouldn’t admit that to her. He had thought they were over her trust issues, but he was ignorant in thinking that. She’d suffered 14 years; Of course she still had some issues, but the fact she felt she couldn’t share her secrets with him still hurt.

“What’s your friendship like? If it’s okay that I ask.”

“My friendship with Tony is something I hold dear.” A soft smile graced her face. “I never expected to get close to anyone, but there was Clint, then you, and finally Bucky. I thought that was it. I thought that was all I would get, but then I met him. Tony is… special. He can come off as arrogant at first and narcissistic, but once you get to know him… he’s the sweetest person I know. I can’t tell you why or how, but I trust him. As far as anyone is concerned he’s under my protection. Do you understand? And I won’t tell you anything more about him.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“Let’s just start over. I still have to do this I think.” She chuckled softly and nodded. “Have you told him anything about us?”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t endanger him like that, or us.”

“What if he finds out Nat?”

“I’ll deal with it if it ever comes to that.”

“What about if someone finds out about your friendship and tries to use him to get to us?”

“As far as anyone is concerned, he’s a colleague only. Tony doesn’t know it, but everyone thinks I’m his counselor. And the bar is far across town enough that I’m just his bartender when he comes around.”

“What if he finds out?” He repeated again.

“Then he finds out.”

“You’ll be okay with that?”

“I’ll have to be.” She clasped her hands together, a sign she was worried. He wanted to prompt her to continue, but instead kept quiet. If she wanted to share she would. He stood there for a few moments before she finally continued. “I’m on borrowed time with him Steve. He’s smart. So smart. Too smart for his own good. He knows something is up. If he really wanted to he could find out.” Steve felt panic surge and it must have shown on his face because Natasha rushed on. “But he won’t because I’ve asked him to mind his business.”

“And he listened?” Steve responded incredulously. He wasn’t in the business of knowing anyone that actually said they wouldn’t snoop and mean it. Ahem, _Clint._

“I’m quite persuasive.” She deadpanned. “Besides, I respect his secrets too.”

“What do you mean?”

“As I’m sure Clint has already told you,” she rolled her eyes fondly at the archer’s name, “Tony… hides something. I don’t know what it is. It’s what drew him to me in the beginning. Habit you know? Look for the one that’s hiding something. That’s your mark. Except he was quite skilled in hiding it. I didn’t notice until he had his first break down. After that it was easier to see. I originally wanted to know. I wanted to know what made him tick. He’s so different than the rest of the doctors there.” She paused and worried her lip for a moment. “I just want to have this for as long as possible, Steve. He’s so special, but I know sooner or later things are going to fall apart.” Steve started to interrupt but the redhead continued. “This is my life Steve. It is what it is.”

“Clint and you think too much alike.” She only smiled sadly and turned around to grab her tea and frowned. It had more than likely gotten cold. She walked over to the microwave and placed it in to heat up. Natasha would always deny she reheated her tea this way to anyone who asked. Always saying it was for someone else. It would drive Bruce insane knowing she was lying and that it was in fact her own tea. He’d tried to brew her more tea and even got her a mug warmer, but she refused. She preferred reheating her tea in the microwave much to Bruce’s displeasure. It wasn’t that it made any difference. Bruce just thought it disrespected the tea.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked as she watched her mug spin in the microwave. Steve stared at the back of her head.

“Sure.”

“Why do you care so much about him?” She turned to look at him. Her head tilted sideways in curiosity, but her eyes were penetrating. Steve knew that depending on how he answered she’d either lay into him again or accept his answer and drop it.

“What do you mean?” He settled on something safe. First wanting to see if she would give him any clues as to what she expected of his answer.

“It’s clear you’re invested in him. You asked me what my relationship with him was. Then asked what our friendship was like. It was personal. You didn’t have to know any of that. Besides we’ve established it’s not really about Tony. It’s about your fear.” Steve always forgot how observant Natasha was. Although admittedly he was almost never on the receiving end of her attention. It was always on Clint and Bucky and whatever poor soul was being staked out. He wondered if she knew about Tony and him talking at the bar. He wondered if she knew about the piece of paper Tony had given him with his number. If she’d talked to Clint at all recently of course she knew. Suddenly the piece of paper in his pocket felt like it was on fire. He wanted to cover it with his hand, but didn’t want to draw attention to himself.

“I don’t… care about him.” He started slowly, measuring the words in his mouth. “I only care about you. I care about what we have here. I worry about all of you is all. You mentioned Jane and Peggy earlier. It’s always better when they don’t know Nat. I mean look at Peggy and I? Look how we turned out. Fighting over what I should and shouldn’t do. I think it’s great you want to keep him safe and away from this. I agree and encourage you to do so.”

“I see.” She turned once again to grab her mug before training her eyes back on him. She didn’t say anything, waiting and willing him to say something else.

“Don’t worry about it Natasha. I just overreacted.”

“If you say so.” She sipped at her tea. Her gaze was still heavily focused on him. He repressed the heavy urge to squirm under it.

“I’m going to go… lay down.”

“That sounds smart.” He practically ran out of the room, yet the entire way he swore he could still feel Natasha’s stare boring into his back.

After rapidly exiting the kitchen, and passing the dining room into the hallway, he slowed down. His talk with Natasha had left him feeling hollow. He wished he’d taken his time to think things over before he had gone guns blazing to confront Natasha. She had been right, as she usually was. He had been unfair to her in coming to interfere with her personal life when he never did the same to Thor (Though to be fair Thor did his own thing most of the time.) And she was right again when she told him he trusted Rumlow because of Peggy. Had it been because he loved her? Not to say he didn’t love her now, but he had been in love with her then. They’d fought so much then and he didn’t want to make her feel like he didn’t trust her by doubting her faith in Rumlow. God Natasha was right. Love did blind you. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands as he stood in dark hallway.

He started to hear shouts coming from the living room. Curious he started making his way toward the noise quietly. He peeked his head in and saw Sam and Bucky playing what looked to be Mario Kart. Now that he was actually paying closer attention the shrieks were just expletives. He watched them for a bit before ultimately moving on.

Walking through the halls, he was slowly filled with pride. This place was home to many of his crew. He’d worked so hard to build the same environment he had with his Da’s own crew. The problem was Steve just couldn’t let himself think about it that way, though he wanted to. He still thought about his actual home. His home with his Da and Ma. His home where the commandos had been. It wasn’t here. Even though he wanted it to be. He was stuck in the past. He hadn’t ever admitted this to anyone, not Peggy or even Bucky. The closest he ever did was just now to Natasha, but that confession wasn’t even scratching the surface.

He roamed the halls aimlessly, occasionally popping his head into different rooms to check up on his team. He waved at Bruce when he peeked into the man’s makeshift lab area. He watched from the shadows as Clint practiced with his bow in their gym. He wanted to go in and apologize to the man, but decided against it. He’d give the man his space until Steve might be welcome in it again.

Continuing his stroll, his thoughts brought him back to Tony. He couldn’t decide what to do about the man. He couldn’t deny there was an attraction there. The man was gorgeous after all. He wasn’t sure he could just _forget_ about him; though that would be the ideal solution.

After his chat with Natasha he was left curious. She’d spoken highly of the man and he’d be lying to himself if it didn’t make Steve want to know him. It would be so easy. He had his number and there was interest in both parties. There wasn’t anything stopping him.

Except Steve was sure it was a bad idea.

On one hand Natasha had been explicit in what she would do to anyone if they bothered Tony. But that was yet another reason he was burning with curiosity. What about the man inspired such fierce protection from Natasha?

On the other, he’d meant what he’d said to Natasha about it being better when those you knew suspected and knew nothing about what you did. It was easier for all of them. It helped protect them from the “horrors” of what they did. Though there were worse things in this life. He had seen travesties against justice in his time in the army, yet no one had batted an eye. Bring that back home and suddenly everyone has something to say.

Peggy hadn’t understood Steve. She’d tried her hardest to be supportive, but ultimately she couldn’t stomach Steve’s penchant for his own form of justice. She had tried to convince him to join the police force with her. Her argument being that he’d still find a way to put criminals away by putting them behind bars, but that wasn’t enough for him. There were people out there that deserved what they gave out. Steve had admired his father for sticking up for the people. The police force, the government they didn’t care about them. They only cared when it was convenient. His father saw that. Steve saw that. Someone had to protect them when they couldn’t protect themselves. How were they supposed to protect themselves when even the government was crawling with corruption? With the same scum his crew got rid of from the streets? He couldn’t do that while working for the police. He couldn’t do that working for the army. Maybe this wasn’t the right way, but it was what yielded results.

Peggy was terrified that he’d end up just like his Da.

Honestly, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go.

Anyhow, Thor and Natasha weren’t exactly the face of the mob. Not that Steve was yelling his identity from the rooftops, but they had more of a chance of maintaining their anonymity. (Natasha more than Thor, but that was beside the point really.) They could have a more “normal” life than he could. Steve knew he was heavily sought after in their world and so was everything and everyone he knew and cared about. He was burdened with the responsibility of keeping them safe.

Which was why he guarded the secret of the bar so closely. It wasn’t that no one knew the bar was Steve’s. Steve made sure they knew (he wouldn’t have called it The Howling Commandos otherwise). A lot of mobs had fronts like these, and it was an unspoken rule between all of them that you didn’t go messing around in them unless you wanted to start a war. And police only ever suspected, but could never find evidence to prove Steve owned or operated the bar. As far as they were concerned it was just a bar named after one of Brooklyn’s old favorite mobs. Luck was on their side that they all stayed away.

So the bar was their home. Quite literally. It was not only was their front but it was _the_ front. You’d never guess that underneath held a vast space suitable for countless individuals. Steve thought himself fortunate to have found the ideal home for his team. He’d started looking for a base shortly after leaving the army. He knew he couldn’t return to his old home even if he wanted to. Besides the fact that it was filled with too many memories he didn’t want to remember; they couldn’t stay in the same spot because it’d be like painting a target on their backs. It still didn’t lessen the guilt. He was starting over a whole new life it seemed, even if he was still in Brooklyn. He was just farther away from his old haunts than he’d like to be.

The bar was old, 1900s old, and it had been a speakeasy back in its prime. Someone had taken tremendous care in digging the bar area underground, and over the years previous owners had expanded the subterranean space. What had started as a small hidden bar turned into a few spacious rooms and winding hallways between them. It was exactly what Steve was looking for. With Bucky’s help they made it their own. They worked endlessly _carefully_ in clearing out more space to house Steve’s future crew. They installed pipes for their kitchen and bathrooms. They thrifted beds and couches; looked for plenty of blankets and throws. He filled the place with everything he could think of to make the place feel like home. And it did. To his crew.

Just because he couldn’t get over his past didn’t mean he couldn’t give his crew a future.

Which brought him back to thinking about _his_ future, and the question regarding the existence of a certain brunette in it. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair; he was overthinking things as usual. There was a slim possibility of Steve actually seeing the man again, and he was already overreacting to the possibility of… something with him when the fact was that was slim to none as well. Sure there was an attraction to Tony, but the man was gorgeous. That was it. It wasn’t like he was the only man he’d had this reaction to. He’d made a fool of himself with Bucky when they’d first met too. He was making a big deal of this only because he had other people depending on him now. He couldn’t get distracted by an attractive fella when he had a job to do.

Decision made on that. He moved on to thinking about what had transpired that afternoon. _Now_ , he wouldn’t deny that he was worried about the man. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about Clint’s words, but after having seen Natasha he wondered how much worse Tony was taking things. The least Steve could do was call to make sure he was okay. He knew Tony probably had more people to worry about him, actual friends, but that didn’t calm Steve’s mind.

Not to mention he still felt ashamed of his earlier actions.

He made his way to his room and decided he’d call the brunette to settle his jumbled thoughts. He wanted to put this behind him and start focusing his energy on what he was doing before this. He knew if he didn’t do this now his mind would just keep coming back Tony.

He needed to apologize to the man.

He wanted to make sure he was okay.

Anything and everything else that happened would just a bonus to curb his curiosity. Decision made, he reached for his phone that was on his side table and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He dialed the number quickly, and waited for the ringing to begin. It was surprisingly nerve racking. He hadn’t realized until then that his palms were sweating, or that his stomach was busy tying itself in knots. He wondered if it was too late to hang up.

“Hello?” a roughened voice answered. Definitely too late.

“Tony? It’s, uh, me Steve.”

“Steve, Hey!”

“Hey Tony.”

“You know I didn’t actually think you’d call.” His voice sounded decidedly more chipper now than when he answered the phone.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Oh? So what changed your mind?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” The line went quiet for a few moments, long enough that he thought Tony had hung up on him. “Tony?”

A small voice answered back. “I’m fine.” Steve knew that voice. It was the same voice Natasha had tried to use on him not even an hour before. He knew Tony wasn’t okay. It was clear as day, but Steve couldn’t do anything about it. He wasn’t anything to him. They’d only met twice; once being under questionable circumstances. He had no right to demand a straight answer, or honesty in return. If _he_ was being honest they weren’t even friends. Just two strangers who kept bumping into each other.

Besides, why was Steve worried over this? Why did he care? Didn’t he just spend the past half hour trying to convince himself and Natasha about how he didn’t? How Steve didn’t want the man to be involved at all with them? He had only decided that all he wanted to do was apologize for his behavior.

Deciding to bypass the rest of that conversation completely, he moved on to the second item on his list. “Listen I’m sorry for the way I acted today.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“But it was! I didn’t know what had happened until after you left. I’m just embarrassed. I’m sure the last thing you wanted was... unwanted attention.”

“It’s fine. If I didn’t want the attention, believe me you would have known.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Well if you’re going to insist on apologizing I guess I do know of a way you could make it up to me. You could let me take you out for coffee.” Steve’s heart began to pound uncomfortably in his chest.

“Tony I’d love that.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a but in there?”

“I guess because there is. I don’t want to give you any ideas. I’m not looking to be in a relationship, but… I’d love to be your friend.” And fuck. He did want that. He wanted it, but he shouldn’t. This was not at all where he pictured this going. He had hoped that they would part as unlikely lovers and never talk to each other again. He was surprised to find that he _wanted_ to be Tony’s friend. He wanted to know him. He wanted to be there for him like Natasha was. Maybe he could make it work somehow. Thor made it work with Jane. Natasha was making it work with Tony. It had been a long time since Steve had met someone he wanted to befriend.

“It’s gonna be hard to be friends with all our sexual tension.”

“Tony!” he chocked out. Tony only laughed on the other side of the phone.

“Don’t get your briefs in a twist. You seem like you’d be a brief guy. Or maybe tighty whitey? Anyways, don’t worry about it. Although I’ll have to warn you I’ve been known to be very charming. Most of my friends end up wanting to date me. The only ones who’ve resisted my charm are Rhodey and Nat.”

“I’m sure I’ll be okay.” His mouth twitched, trying to fight the smile that wanted to bloom on his face.

“You say that now, but we’ll see when you succumb to my devilish charms.”

“Whatever you say Tony.”

“Hey I’ve got to go. Rhodey’s back with dinner. I’ll call you about coffee?”

“That sounds good.”

“Great. Bye Steve!”

Hanging up the phone, he felt lighter than he thought he would be. He didn’t regret this decision like he thought he would, but only time would tell if it was the right one or not. It didn’t matter, he thought. Steve thought maybe it was time for _him_ to have a life outside of the mob. It might even do him some good to have some friends that didn’t know him like this. He was tired of having to keep up this persona. He was tired of having to be the leader. He was exhausted and talking to Tony was like having a rested night’s sleep. It was like having the first cup of coffee after waking up and the sweet caffeine finally hitting your system.

For the first time in what felt like ~~years~~ months, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update sooner! I was having a hard time with this chapter. I know what each chapter is going to be like but I struggle with the flow. I hope this was okay. And Thank you so much for being patient with me! It's been a long time since I've done a long fic. So thank you for your patience and kind words! They mean so much to me! Merry Christmas from me! Because you know I probably won't have the next one out for a bit :(


	8. Panic! At the office

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out! It's been a wild 2020 so far if I'm honest. I think many of us can relate. Honestly I only worked on this chapter recently. I also got too type-happy and didn't really edit this, because i wanted to put it out. So I apologize about that. Hopefully it makes sense and if it doesn't just let me know and I'll clear up anything! I may also come back to edit this in the future. Idk I'm not that happy with it if we're being honest. Like I don't hate the chapter, but there's something off about it I just can't put my finger on.

He turned his head to the side, admiring his handiwork in the bathroom mirror. He was in the middle of covering up the dark circles under his eyes with makeup, knowing if he showed up like this he wouldn’t hear the end of it. He was struggling, due to being out of practice, and to top it off he had had to go out to get new products as all of his older things were expired. He’d never had to use them for the hospital.

Today was his first day back at Stark Industries, and he wasn’t prepared.

Tony had spent the past few nights not sleeping; with the night before being no different. Any time he tried to sleep it was full of nightmares and distorted memories so he avoided it entirely. Rhodey had stayed the majority of the week with him, but Tony had finally sent him home two days ago. He was getting behind on work since there was only so much he could carry with him. So he had put his foot down and sent his best friend home. Tony promised he’d be fine and that he would call if he needed him, but they both knew he wouldn’t. So Rhodey had left with a worried look on his face, and he was left to deal with this alone.

He would never admit it out loud but he was tired of having Rhodey there. As much as he loved him and appreciated the concern, he couldn’t handle his emotions and Rhodey’s overprotective behavior anymore. Rhodey was in a constant state of “I’ll kick anyone’s ass who wrongs Tony”, and with no outlet to actually do the asskicking – since the circumstances didn’t have any – he was as keyed up as Tony was, though for different reasons.

Rhodey would deny it until his last breath, but Tony had never met anyone who was more a mother hen than he was. Which was why he had to hide so many things from him. His best friend didn’t shy away from supporting him in whatever he needed. He also didn’t shy away from yelling himself hoarse when he inevitably found out about whatever Tony had neglected to tell him.

He just hoped soon to be able to pass out in a dreamless slumber. He was exhausted and desperately wanted at least a few hours under his belt. The stress and lack of sleep wasn’t good for his heart. He scowled, remembering he needed to take his medication. He hadn’t been lying when he told Steve – which now seemed more like a hazy dream than a memory – that he had a heart condition. And wasn’t that interesting, his heart condition was a close guarded secret he held, not even Rhodey had known until about 6 months into their friendship and that had been an accident. Tony had been running on far too many cups of caffeine when his heart arrhythmia started to act up in Rhodey’s presence. He tried to play it off casually, but his heart wouldn’t stop beating irregularly. A panicked explanation, hospital visit, and an ass chewing later: Rhodey knew all about Tony’s condition.

So Tony wondered what it was about one Steve Rogers that caused him to bring forth that particular tidbit willingly.

“Sir, Happy will be arriving I soon.” JARVIS’ voice broke through his haze. He looked at the clock and found that he had been staring at himself, lost in thought, for the past 15 minutes.

“Thanks J.” Deciding to revisit his current train of thoughts at a later time, he gave his reflection one last self-loathing look and made his way to the kitchen. He poured coffee into a travel mug and hurried his way out the door. “Don’t wait up honey.”

“I take it you won’t be home for dinner, Sir. What will I tell the children?”

“Tell my ungrateful children college won’t pay for itself.” With a gentle click of the door he locked his townhouse and waited on the front steps. Only a few moments passed before Happy pulled up. He didn’t give the man a chance to get out of the car before he sauntered down the steps and slipped into the backseat.

“You can drive today Happy.” His stomach was already in knots and the thought about being behind the wheel was putting him more on edge. He buckled himself in, catching Happy’s eyes in the rearview mirror in the process.

“Alright boss.”

“To Stark Industries please.”

“Are you sure? You can always put off going back. Avoid it until you can’t no more.”

“The sooner I start, the sooner I’m out of there Happy.”

“Of course boss. Whatever you say.” They settled into silence as Happy steered the car away from the curb. He slowly sipped on his coffee as he watched the buildings pass by slowly. It was 7 a.m. and the traffic had started. Stark Industries was located in the exact opposite direction of his usual route. He had wanted to be as far away as possible without completely being out of the way from his home. He already missed his usual route, hating the intense traffic the further they traveled downtown.

He vaguely wondered if he’d make it in time or if he was going to be late.

At least the bar was closer.

He sighed and pushed that thought away quickly. He didn’t want to become like his father. As much as the idea of drinking his ~~guilt~~ sorrows away appealed to him, he’d be drinking every single night. And unfortunately, that wasn’t good for his heart either. He reached into his suit pocket to search the tiny pill bottle to find nothing. He quickly gave a panicked pat down all over to find it missing. He must have left it at home.

“Happy you wouldn’t happen to have any extra of my medicine?” He looked into the rearview mirror urgently. Happy only looked at him briefly and smiled.

“Of course boss,” without taking his eyes off the road again, he reached into his own suit pocket and pulled out a small bottle. He reached back and handed it to him. “You’ve gotta be less forgetful.”

“But if I did that I wouldn’t need you anymore.” He joked in relief as he quickly swallowed two pills and returned them into Happy’s outstretched hand.

“I’m sure you’d put me to use doing something else besides being a glorified pill holder.”

“Oh but you do it beautifully.” He answered with closed eyes and settled into the cushioned seat. He might as well get a nap in.

***

It seemed like no time at all before Happy was calling him awake.

“I’m sorry boss, but if you don’t hurry you’re gonna be late.” He opened his eyes to find Happy’s warm brown ones looking at him apologetically. He groaned, regretting his decision to nap. The lack of sleep weighed heavy on him now and all he wanted to do was actually sleep for once. Alas he had already let Obie know he was going to be showing up today. He groaned again for added measure. “I know boss.”

“Thanks for the ride Happy.” He slapped his face trying to get his brain online.

“I’ll be here waiting for you around 5?”

“Make it 7 to be safe. It’s going to be a long day I’m sure. I’ll call you if I need you any sooner.” Happy looked at him with concern, but didn’t say anything about the long hours.

“Have a good day boss.”

“You too pal.” He slid out the door and stretched, feeling his joints pop. He regarded the looming building in front of him with unease. It didn’t look any different than the surrounding buildings. It had the same standard corporate look, with the large courtyard full of casually placed concrete benches, the large fountain and water feature, and the random trees and grass patches thrown around for greenery. Looking at this shouldn’t invoke the sense of dread that filled him, but it did. This would be home for only the next – hopefully – six months. He made his way towards the front entrance wondering if Obie would be there to greet him.

He walked through the sliding glass doors and saw the hustle and bustle of people moving quickly and efficiently. He watched a small group together that were passing paper between them and others that worked on their computers in the small coffee shop they had in the lobby. He viewed two people huddled together in a corner table with coffee in their hands, laughing loudly. He stood rooted in his spot far longer than he needed to be. These people were happy here, or at least that’s the impression he got from looking at them. If they looked at him, could they see the desperation? The need to leave? The anxiety that was slowly but surely working its way into full blown panic?

“Are you lost?” A voice came from beside him. He jumped slightly and quickly looked over. He was so absorbed in his thoughts; he had failed to notice a security guard had walked up to him. The man was smirking softly. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention.” He nodded to the man politely. He really should be figuring out if he had to wait down in the lobby or if he should just make his way to the upper floors, but the man in front of him made no move to leave. “To answer your question, I’m not lost. Simply observing.”

“I saw that. You’ve been standing there looking a little dazed for the past few minutes. Just wondering if you had walked into the wrong place.”

“He’s with me John.” A voice he certainly hadn’t been expecting interrupted them. He looked over in surprise to see his father walking towards them. The security guard that had been relaxed standing next to him, tensed up immediately.

“Of course, Sir. Just making sure he was authorized.”

“Go back to work, I’ll take it from here.”

“Sir.” John replied curtly. To Tony’s surprise, he turned to address him as well. “I’ll see you around space cadet.” He immediately left in a huff of laughter, leaving Tony with a scowl on his face and no chance at a clever comeback.

“You’re late.” His father wasted no time in establishing his disappointment right off the bat. No pleasantries, no nonsense was always his motto.

“I was on time. I was just looking around.” He tried for nonchalant, as if his heart wasn’t beating erratically in his chest. Howard leveled him with an indifferent look, before motioning him forward.

“Follow me.” They made their way across the floor and into the elevator. Howard hit the button for one of the higher floors. “You’ll have your own office space and lab to work with away from everyone else. It’ll be close to Obadiah’s office. You know where mine is.” Tony only nodded his head in response. His palms had started to sweat as soon as the elevator doors closed. “Though I expect you to go to the R&D department _at least_ once a week.” His mouth was dry and he was afraid if he opened his mouth he’d do something embarrassing in front of his dad, like croak. He started tapping his fingers against his chest. Howard frowned. “Quit that will you.” His hand stilled and dropped to his side.

The elevator doors opened, revealing a large waiting room with floor to ceiling windows. There were two rather large black leather couches and a few coffee tables arranged in, what he could only assume, a feng shui manner. There was just the right amount of greenery in the room and one large aquarium filled with colorful fish.

In the middle of admiring the room, his eyes caught onto the movement of something red and he focused them there immediately. He broke out into an instant grin when he noticed that the flash of red belonged to one Virginia Potts.

“Anthony, you know Ms. Potts.”

“Of course.” He nodded his head politely, giant grin still firmly in place. “Ms. Potts.”

“Mr. Stark.” She grinned widely in response.

“I hope you won’t let your personal relationship affect your professional one.”

“Of course not Mr. Stark.” Pepper had turned to address Howard now, her smile had dimmed to one of polite courtesy.

“Very well. I’ll leave you to it then.” He gave both of them one last withering stare before he turned back into the elevator. They watched the numbers ping upwards and then stop on the top floor. Only then did Pepper turn around and face him with her grin firmly in place now.

“Oh, Tony,” She pounced on him, engulfing him in a fierce hug that should have been impossible for her petite size and strength. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t want to worry you Pep. You’re always so busy.” He hugged her back just as tightly. He needed this. He knew Pepper worked here, but he never in a million years thought Howard would let him see Pepper, much less work with her. He didn’t want to get his hopes up yet, but already the tension he had been carrying since he stepped foot into the building had started to bleed out of him. Pepper took that moment to smack him on the back of the head. “OW! Pep what the fuck was that for?”

“For being an idiot!” She pushed him away, but only far enough to hold him at arm’s length. “Honestly Tony, what do you think friends are for?”

“They’re not for hitting I know that much.” He grumbled, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout.

“You quit that wounded doe eyed stare at me mister. Rhodey only told me two days ago, when you kicked him out! It took all my will power to not show up at your house and raise hell then and there.” Pepper looked to be only seconds away from wagging her finger at him.

“God, are you supposed to be my friends? Or my parents?”

“I might as well be both since you don’t have proper ones!” Her face bloomed red in righteous anger and her jaw clenched painfully tight for a moment. He waited and watched as she calmed herself down and brought herself back to the moment. Rhodey always got the same way when they ended up talking about his family life. His friends were so fiercely protective of him, he wondered if they even realized how much. He felt guilty at times, though he’d never tell them. He never really felt like he deserved their loyalty and love. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay.” The automated response got him a look, but nothing more.

“I wish you’d have called me.”

“I know Pep. I just – I’m not dealing with this well.”

“Oh Tony,” She brought him back into a hug. “I know you hate _bothering us_ ,” she said with enough disdain in her voice to make sure Tony knew how she felt about _that_ “, but that’s what friends are for honey. Did you think I was a bother when I needed you and Rhodey with me when my dad died?” He vigorously shook his head. “Exactly. Friends are there for you. Look, I know Rhodey is like an older brother and he feels the need to be there for you all the time, but know I’m here for you too okay? Think of it this way. You can worry Rhodey less, you’ll still have support, and we don’t have to tell him anything we don’t have to until you want to.”

“Thanks Pep. I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner.” He sucked in the last bit of warmth from the hug, before Pepper began moving away. She patted his face softly before completely moving away.

“Nothing an apology gift can’t solve.” He groaned.

“Honestly Pep?”

“Yes! Maybe it’ll condition you to stop hiding things from me if you have to get me something in apology later.” It didn’t help at all. In fact, it had backfired in a way where he actually felt less guilty since he could just get her an apology gift. He wouldn’t tell her that though. “Let’s get to work then. Before Howard comes back down here.”

She started walking towards the double doors that led them to his office. He followed her with his hands deep in his pockets. The room was larger than the waiting room. Certainly much larger than what he was used to. His office at the hospital had been maybe half the size of the waiting room. Scratch that. It might have been the size of the two large couches pushed together.

“Believe it or not this is on the small side,” Pepper commented, “It was to make room for the lab. Howard wanted you to have your own personal one, so he made this office smaller and merged another to give you ample lab space.”

“So where is it?” He was curious; he had yet to see an entrance for it.

“I’ll show you later. If I show you now you won’t want to leave, and we need to do paperwork first.”

“Pep!” He whined, finally noticing a book sized load in her arms. Honestly when had she picked _that_ up. “Why would you do this to me?”

“All play and no work makes Tony a dull boy.”

“I think you’ve severely misquoted that Pep.” She only motioned for him to sit behind the desk in response. He sat down, pout firmly in place.

“Let’s start with these okay?” She placed the ~~book~~ papers down in front of him. “Howard wants you to know about everything they’ve launched since you’ve been gone. This shouldn’t be hard since they haven’t launched anything substantial.”

“You speak so highly of me Pep.” He replied glumly as he started flipping through the pages quickly. He was going to need so much coffee.

“Well that’s why they keep me around. My brutal honesty.” She moved around the room to the filing cabinets and pulled out more papers. He observed her quietly. She looked nice. Her outfit was something straight out of a fashion business catalog, with her black pencil skirt and blue silk blouse. She also had on her signature Louboutin heels.

Seeing her was like a breath of fresh air. Tony hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks. She was always busy with Stark Industries. He didn’t blame her. Pepper was a career woman after all. She was happiest when she was working. She was driven and focused in all aspects of her job. Tony attributed the continued running of the building to Pepper. Without her he had no doubts that they would have broken months, if not years ago. Especially now that he knew they weren’t doing too well. Which brought him to the question as to why his Father would let her work with him?

“Hey Pep?” A soft ‘hm’ was the only response. “Are you – are we going to be working together? Or are you only with me for today.” She stopped what she was doing and looked at him with a frown.

“I guess both? It’s complicated. Howard doesn’t want anyone else to meet with you just yet. He wants to do this big reveal in his own way that you’re back with the company. So he wants to limit your exposure to everyone until a decision has been made.” Her voice had become more clipped towards the end. Ahh, he had completely forgotten about the circumstances of his departure. A fresh wave of resentment and mortification swept through him.

Howard hadn’t been pleased about his decision to leave.

In fact, he had been so _displeased_ he had completely slandered Tony’s name in the media.

This was going to be a shit show.

Why was this his life?

“So what am I supposed to do?” He was tired already. The morning had been emotionally draining, with this being the icing on the cake. “He said I had to go down to R&D at least once a week.”

“You’ll use a fake name.” It was apparent that she was not happy about any of this, but there wasn’t much she or anyone could do. Howard was the CEO with majority holding, and what he said was practically law. “You look different enough now, that hopefully not many will make a connection. Unless they’re really looking.” She mumbled the last part enough that Tony had to strain to hear.

Ultimately, she was right. He had changed in the past few years he’d been away. He was no longer a gangly 18 year old. He was now 24 years old. He’d filled out with enough muscle that left no trace of just how lanky he was. He had stopped cutting his hair short and jelling it back; instead opting for something softer by letting it grow and allowing his curls to flourish into a fluffier style. He was no longer baby faced, as he had finally – thank god – learned how to style his facial hair. Pepper was right; as long as no one looked too hard they wouldn’t notice the similarities.

“Mr. Dick.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want my name to be Willy Dick. They’re going to have to call me either Mr. Willy or Mr. Dick.” Pepper gave him a look that was drier than the Sahara Desert.

“I’m sorry to inform you that your name has been chosen for you and you’ll be going by James Turner.”

“Pepper! The least they could do is let a man have some dignity by choosing his own name.”

“By choosing Willy Dick?”

“Exactly.” Her face finally cracked into a small smile.

“Start looking through those papers Mr. Dick.”

“Does that mean I can keep it?”

“No.”

The morning passed by in a blur, with the paperwork being less painful than he anticipated. Pepper was right, yet again. Stark Industries hadn’t launched anything worth substance in _years_. Not that he had been paying attention. He’d been content in his own bubble for the past few years; ignoring anything and everything that came with Howard’s name attached.

Looking through the paperwork made no sense. The numbers didn’t add up. In the first year he was gone SI had, ironically, looked into producing protective gear for government workers _and_ civilians. Which, okay, did fairly _well_ in its defense. Heh.

Probably didn’t have anything to do with the passing of his mother.

Howard chose to capitalize on _that –_

Nope.

Not going to head down that street today.

They had focused on producing and tweaking gear for about a year and a half, with a dip in sales in the last leg. They then put that on the back burner, not really revisiting it anymore as far as he could see. They came back into the game with more aggressive launches – that seemed to him were more cobbled together than actually thought out plans. There were a lot of problematic decisions everywhere, and a lot of things ended up in a dead end, or even with missing papers.

He’d have to ask Pepper about those.

Things were a lot worse than he’d been led on – granted he hadn’t been told anything at all – but he hadn’t anticipated this much fuckery. He doubted that a few successful launches would help keep SI from collapse with its foundation in need of desperate repair. There seemed to be a lot of gross negligence on Howard’s part. He couldn’t figure out why. SI was his father’s pride and joy. He couldn’t understand what had happened in recent years. It was slowly driving him crazy; he didn’t do well with missing variables. He looked at what he did know. How was SI still going?

The only logical answer he had was that it had to be Pepper.

That woman was in desperate need of a raise.

Pepper’s finger prints were all over the place. She had managed the budget, she’d negotiated with companies trying to get better deals on materials, and she’d even stopped a few dubious launches from happening.

That isn’t to say she was practically running the company – but let’s face it she was nearly there – she was however one of the driving forces of keeping the company afloat. The other help came from Obie. He’d work a few, smaller, business deals every now and then, and even once in a while he’d complete a large order, and through the years it helped cover the losses that Howard somehow had managed to make. He didn’t have the guts to confront his father about any of it. He didn’t care anyways. He didn’t see himself coming back here ever again, so why was he so concerned about this anyways? In the depths of his mind he could admit that he _hoped_ SI would collapse. He knew he shouldn’t want that so badly, there were thousands if not a million people dependent of their job here, but he couldn’t stop that intrusive thought from springing up every now and again. So he buried those feelings deep inside.

The more logical side of his brain knew it wasn’t the companies fault per se. Laws and people were flawed, and he knew if SI wasn’t the one selling the guns it would be another company like, god forbid, Hammer Industries. _They_ were a sorry excuse of a company, and he wouldn’t bat an eyelash if they suddenly went out of business.

Obie’s life had been the company. Pepper was brilliant and with the impressive resume she’d acquired working at SI; it would put her anywhere she wanted to go. Obie on the other hand had invested so much of his life alongside Howard. He’d helped cultivate it from the ground up, and as much as he hated the idea, he knew he couldn’t let Obie’s hard work go to waste. Howard seemed to be squandering what they had built and he couldn’t let him bring them both down, no matter how much he wanted to watch his father crash and burn.

He could debate with himself all day, but the worst thing about this was that he knew he wouldn’t particularly feel this strongly about any of it if his mother hadn’t been killed by one of their models.

His friends argued with him endlessly, telling him he would eventually come to the same conclusion he had. He never had the same ‘passion’ in designing guns, than he did in helping people. It was only a matter of time they said. Was it? He wasn’t so sure about it. Maybe one day he would have left the company on his own terms much later than he originally did, but he knew he wouldn’t have had the same disdain for it as he did now. Because he never directly knew about what harm ~~he~~ they could cause. He saw the news and he read reports; he sympathized appropriately. He felt for the people that had been affected by gun violence. Yet nothing had truly prepared him to experience it first-hand. He had been looking at it in the sort of way a scientist would theorize what could happen without actually conducting the experiment to find the result being more devastating that their calculations had anticipated.

If he was being honest with himself he had run away. At the time it, his decision to leave didn’t have much to do with his stance on guns – though many assumed it did. It had more to do with the loss of his mother. He had come to realize he hadn’t really empathized at all, he’d been indifferent. He might have sympathized with people’s suffering, but he never truly _felt_ for them. He was taking advantage of their pain and suffering. He was actively working with a company that had caused them great pain and loss. He never really tried to help those affected. He had tried helping people by building machines and trying to advance medical, but he never actively tried to help those specifically affected by the gun violence he claimed he cared about before. Only over time did he begin to see and change his views. Only over time and _experience_ did he begin to see the _harm_ –

Yet here he was, once again.

Capitalizing on people’s pain.

Trying to get back to _helping_ them.

What a fucking hypocrite.

Feeling sick to him stomach, he pushed away those thoughts and locked them away. He pulled out some paper and began working through some sketches. He had to get out of SI. It had only been a day and his thoughts were already drowning him. He already was suffocating. He was a sell out. He could have stood his ground. He could have _left_. He didn’t owe anyone anything –

He stood up abruptly from his desk, hitting his thighs on the way up and knocking over a few things in the process. He had to get out of the office. He had to get out of _here_.

His hands were shaking as he burst through the doors, flicking his gaze all over the room. It was ridiculous, so much space and he was the only inhabitant. He found the restrooms quickly enough and barreled his way towards them. He could feel the rolling acidity of his stomach in his throat. He swallowed a few times to keep the bile at bay. He Slammed the door and made a beeline to the toilet to heave the pathetic contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl until he was dry heaving. The motion didn’t help calm his racing heart. He sat back onto his bottom, wiping the sweat on his face onto the sleeve of his jacket. Not only was his stomach still rolling, he was having trouble taking in breaths. They were short and labored and no matter how deep he tried to breathe, it didn’t feel like enough oxygen was getting into his body.

The small rational part of his brain helpfully supplied that he was probably having a panic attack. So he did what he always did. He called Rhodey, and hoped he wasn’t interrupting something important.

“Tony?”

“I don’t know if I can do this Rhodey.” He sobbed out. Great. What a perfect way to start this conversation.

“Hey breathe with me okay?” Rhodey had enough practice that he obviously knew what was going on. It didn’t help right now. In this moment all Tony could think about was that his best friends shouldn’t have to deal with this shit. A normal person wouldn’t depend this much on his friends. A normal person could handle themselves. He knew those things weren’t true though. He’d worked it through with some therapy and with his friends, but it was always the first thing he thought about when he called Pepper or Rhodey. If only he was a better person. If only, if only, if only. He stopped thinking and instead started following along with Rhodey’s breathing. It’s the least he could do. He could try and not turn this into a full meltdown. “You okay man?”

“Yeah.” He croaked out; his voice raw from gagging.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t think I can do this Rhodey. I don’t want to do this. Why did I agree? I just want to leave– “

“Deep breaths man, come on. Calm down or you’ll work yourself up again. I can kinda see where this is going so you focus on breathing and the sound of my voice okay?”

He nodded realized he couldn’t see him then replied “Okay.”

“I’ll support you no matter what you want to do. If you want to leave, I’ll help you disappear. There won’t be any way Howard could find you. But you gotta think about this bud. Because I know you. You told me you wanted to help Obadiah with whatever is happening. Do you think you could live with what happens if you don’t help? You know how I feel. I don’t think you should give a fuck. It’s their fault; they can fix whatever they broke. But I know you. You have this god awful guilt complex that’s the reason I’m getting grey hairs. I don’t want you to feel like it’s your fault you couldn’t help. I care more about you and your mental state.”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t fair, but he was right. About everything. As much as he wanted to quit and disappear off the face of the earth, he couldn’t. Not for his dad’s sake, but for Obadiah. He’d practically made the man a promise, and he’d been so delighted when Tony said he’d help. If he did leave, Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. He’d failed his mother. He couldn’t fail his godfather. “You’re right.”

“Do you want me to come over later?” Rhodey didn’t press the matter over the phone, which meant there would be more questions in person.

“If you’re not busy.”

“Do you want me to come over now? We could do lunch? I’m sure you haven’t had anything.” He wanted to say yes. He wanted to sit in his longtime friends company and bask in the attention. He wanted to be coddled, but there was a voice in the back of his head that called him weak, soft.... pathetic. Would it be wrong to give in? Would it be better to seek comfort in a different way? It surprised him to find that he wasn’t opposed to the company of one blonde haired beauty. It would be nice to forget his current predicament for a bit and ~~pretend to be~~ actually be Anthony Carbonell.

“I’ll get back to you.”

“Tony,” he sighed “; you can quit working for a few minutes.”

“I know, I just maybe I’ll ask Pepper to lunch instead, to catch up since I haven’t seen her in a while.” He lied. Why did he lie? When it came down to relationships he’d always tell Rhodey about them. Mostly because Rhodey had insisted on it, knowing Tony had the worst judgement known to man and failed to pick up red flags. The only exceptions were one night stands. He was a prude that way. Never wanting to hear Tony’s wild sexscapades and never giving the details of his own; (which was why Pepper was his favorite).

So he hadn’t mentioned that he hadn’t gotten railed by the blonde Adonis from the bar and Rhodey wouldn’t ask, but he’d also neglected to mention they’d decided to try a hand at friendship. Once upon a time that would have had Rhodey doing all sorts of background checks on the man. Though that’d never stopped Tony from actually pursuing friendships, but it helped keep him informed. It was nice, he wasn’t complaining, it came in handy when he was actually known as Tony Stark, and stopped him from actually making the mistake of trusting wolves in sheep’s clothing. It was a bummer that 95% of the people that came up to him didn’t really want to befriend him, but the attention was nice.

Now that he went by Anthony Carbonell, friendships were more genuine. Rhodey had stopped his obsessive background checks, but that still didn’t stop his worry that Tony would get taken for granted, used and abused. He was grateful, but he didn’t need that sort of concern. He was 23 now and he figured he could figure things out on his own. He had plenty of experience.

Steve seemed… special. Different than anyone he’d met so far. For once he wanted to find out all about Steve from Steve. He wanted to genuinely get to know the man.

Steve was also hiding something. He knew the bar fight story was a crock of bullshit. If Steve was involved in something so was Natasha. And if Rhodey could dig up anything on Steve, he’d probably find something on Nat too, and he wasn’t having that.

“That sounds great!” Rhodey’s voice brightened and he felt guilt sour his stomach. “Let me know okay. Maybe I’ll stop by anyways. I haven’t seen Pepper in weeks.”

“Yeah, okay.” He was nervous now; lying to his friends wasn’t his favorite thing to do.

“Are you sure you’re okay Tones? Are you sure about everything?” He knew he was talking about the SI situation, but he couldn’t help but think that he knew about Steve. Either situation had him unsure. He didn’t know what to do or think. He was mostly just tired, and he wanted to be selfish for once. So while he couldn’t be selfish with SI and blow it all to hell, he could take that luxury with Steve.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Thanks Sugarplum.” He hung up. He could just text Pepper and ask her out to lunch, avoid actually lying to Rhodey about the situation. Or, he could do what he really wanted and ask Steve out to lunch.

“Fuck it.” He decided and hit Steve’s number. It started to ring. And ring.

And ring.

It finally put him out of his misery when the call was sent to voicemail.

“Uh hey Steve, it’s me Tony. Though hopefully you know that by saving my number, haha.” He slapped his face in mortification. “So anyways, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go to lunch today? Let me know, bye.”

He ended the call quickly and put his head in-between his knees like he had previously, though this time not because of his panic but more due to his embarrassment. “Real smooth Stark.” He mumbled to himself. He decided he’d done enough wallowing in his feelings and got off the bathroom floor, and made his way to the sink. The face that greeted him in the mirror is blotchy and his eyes are red and swollen; the makeup from this morning is long gone, revealing the dark circles under his eyes. His suit had also seen better days if he’s honest. He tried to pull himself together as efficiently as possible, mostly focusing on straightening out his suit. The state of his face has no help besides the light splashing of cold water. He’ll have to remember to bring some face products into his office.

Finally content with his half-assed primping he headed back to his office. He cursed seeing that he’d knocked over his coffee mug onto the papers and items on his desk. It wasn’t much considering it was almost empty, but it still made a mess. He gathered the wet papers and looked for somewhere to place them. He hadn’t actually looked around the office yet, but right now seemed a good time to do that. The office was uncomfortably large, with his desk being in the middle. The only thing he liked about it was the large floor to ceiling windows on the back wall. It had (again) one coffee table and a few large couches. The rest of the room was modern with little to no decoration, which really meant that he didn’t have anywhere else to put the wet papers.

He spotted a door on his left side and decided to see where it lead to. It was to his astonishment a private bathroom. Complete with shower, bath, and towels; anything he could need. It seemed they were hoping he’d revert to his old ways and spend his entire time at SI. Back when he’d spend days at a time, and even one memorable occasion a week. He grimaced at the idea now, but was thankful he could lay his papers out to dry. He spread them in the bath, and grabbed one of the towels to dry off his desk. Once he was happy that everything was in place he glanced at his phone, hoping he’d have a missed call or even a message.

There was nothing.

And it’d been about 30 minutes.

He wasn’t going to address the falling disappointed feeling in his stomach. Maybe it was for the best. Having a different state of mind now, he actually didn’t feel up to trying to get to know Steve after all. He was drained emotionally, and being with friends that knew him sounded a lot better than trying to pretend to be Anthony Carbonell.

Decision made, he sent a message to Pepper asking her out to lunch. He was pleasantly surprised when he got an immediate response.

_Pepperoni: That sounds amazing._

_Tony: Rhodey will be tagging along. It’ll be like old times!_

_Pepperoni: Don’t be so dramatic, we had lunch 2 weeks ago._

_Tony: 2 weeks? I swear that was 2 years ago._

_Tony: BTW can we stop by the store? I need to replenish my work-face drawer._

_Pepperoni: Check the two bottom drawers on your left_ _😉_

Curious he went to his desk immediately and opened the bottom drawer. Pepper (because who else would be this prepared) had filled the drawer with concealer, color correctors, powder, and foundation. The selections ranged from his winter color to his summer hue. She’d even put in some tanning lotions. Wondering what else she could have picked out; he opened the next drawer. Inside that one was makeup remover, wipes, eye and face creams, sunscreen, and all his favorite face masks. There was a toothbrush, some toothpaste, and – god bless that women – mouthwash. It would never cease to surprise him just how much care and foresight Pepper had.

_Tony: You’re a goddess. How did you know?_

_Pepperoni: I’ve known you for years. You’re forgetful unless you need it. So you’re going to tell me what happened at lunch._

_Tony: Goddamit. How is it that you know me better than I know me? We should stop hanging out._

_Pepperoni: Not even in your dreams._

Smiling, and still a little emotional, he let Rhodey know the plans for lunch.

_Tony: We want soup, and by we I mean me, but also Pep since she’s the one that put me onto the soup obsession._

_Sugarbear hair: The things I put up with for you two._

_Sugarbear hair: Text me the address. I’ll meet you there._

_Tony: Soup N Burger, 1825 Emmons Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11235_

Feeling lighter than he had that week, he made his way out of his office and into the elevator to go find Pepper. Though not what he had planned originally, it felt right. Pepper had mentioned earlier that Rhodey was like an older brother, and she was right in a way. Rhodey felt like family, but he wouldn’t say he felt like a brother. He never had siblings, so maybe this was what it felt like to have a brother. Brother just felt like the wrong word to use. Just like how sister didn’t seem to describe Pepper to him. If he had to describe them to people of course he’d use the terms. It was the closest thing he could think they could compare to that would help people understand, but to him the words just sort of fell short for what he really felt.

They were just his family. Family was closer to his feelings for them than brother or sister, but people expected labels. So brother and sister would do.

Seeing Steve would have been nice, but it wasn’t what he needed. He was trying to ignore his problems again, by trying to live a life he wasn’t currently living. One he desperately wanted to get back too. His life as Tony Stark wasn’t even half as fulfilling as his life as Anthony Carbonell.

It dawned on him in that moment that he’d have to learn to juggle his separate lives not just if and when he’d see Steve, but Nat too. He also had a few work meetings at the hospital he couldn’t miss, and countless other consults he couldn’t cancel, so he just rescheduled them into the evening. He had to get his shit together if he was going to try to be both Anthony Carbonell and Tony Stark in a single work day.

Hopefully when Steve called back, he’d be able to reschedule for a day where he felt he could do just that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter has a Tony/Steve lunch! (as you can infer, so not really a spoiler.) I thought it'd be fun to ask you guys what you wanted to see happen on the lunch date (cuz come on that's what it is lol) and if you'd rather it be in Steve or Tony's POV or a mix of both???? 
> 
> Let me know!
> 
> Also comments are much appreciated, while I love writing this it'd make me so happy if you guys let me know if you're liking it or not. It's the ultimate validation, and it helps write tbh. But it's okay if you don't! I'm still going to put this baby out regardless.
> 
> Side note/Fun fact: I looked up places in NY with soup. So the place that Tony texts to Rhodey is real! But I've never been and I don't live in NY. I just used google. Maybe one day though!
> 
> See you in the next chapter!


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